Guest post by Julianna Filice-Hanna
She was going to have dark hair and chubby cheeks. She was going to have a lavender room with bright orange poppies. And of course a chandelier.
Best of friends, constant talks, nails and shopping, museums and musicals. Emilia didn’t come but Patrick did. And he has the lightest curly q hair and is the fairest of fair with wonderful blue eyes. He’s happy and feisty and holds his own. He is my littlest love and every night I whisper to him that I will love him always and that we will be best friends.
Today my dear friend had her Amelia. Amelia Pearl with lots of dark hair.
I am happy. I will love her and watch her grow.
The day I closed the door on Emilia, my brain tried to tell my heart to open the door to what I have.
A fair curly baby boy calling “Mama” happily in his crib and greeting me in the morning with the purest smile. A sweet four year-old that just wanted to cuddle and a six year-old that wanted to help mommy clean the whole house.
Today I turn my what ifs into what wills.
I will love my boys forever and they will love me.
I will love my husband…hey I married a dude, right?? So obviously living with a boy forever was ok with me!
I will love my sisters. I will listen to them, I will help them, I will always be there for them.
I will be the best Auntie Jules…maybe one day have a niece to adore. I will not go with a daughter wedding dress shopping but I WILL find 3 of THE most fabulous mother of the groom dresses.
I will have my girl time, just now with my sisters, my friends or myself because “me time” is necessary time.
I will be ok.
I will be happy.
I will be surrounded by constant craziness and a lot of love.
Julianna Filice-Hanna is a wife, mom of three fabulously crazy yet caring boys, and speech-language pathologist at a local hospital. She tries to improve her boys’ right to accessorize by making special bow-ties, hats, and bracelets. She attempts daily to embrace the crazy, and sometimes succeeds.