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Source: pinwords.com via Tina on Pinterest
I sat down slowly on the bed looking around.
Her shoes were sitting on the floor next to her bed and her sweater was draped neatly over the chair.
Her little black purse laid on the dresser with her wallet sticking out.
Everything was still how she left it, untouched.
This is the first time in my almost 35 years that I have faced death so close.
I know I’m lucky and my Grandmom lived a beautiful 90 years, but it still hurts.
It’s like the person is just removed from their life….poof gone.
Their stuff still remains behind and everything around you still reminds you of them.
A simple object can trigger a lifetime of memories.
I wish I would have known that she only had a short time left.
The last time I spoke to her, she was happy, sitting up in her hospital bed, and making everyone laugh.
I thought I would have another chance to tell her that I loved her.
By the time I came back, she couldn’t respond.
We sat by her bedside for three days, holding her hand and talking to her.
She was surrounded by her family and we never left her.
On the last day, I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Please take care of your boys. They love you and you need to be their guardian angel and watch over them.”
I kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand.
I’m not sure if she heard me, but I’m praying she did.
Life isn’t the same now.
I know it will get a bit easier but for now it still hurts.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I remember that feeling when my own grandmother died. It was hard because I had to hold it together when the kids were around. I had to learn to grieve on schedule, behind the kids’ backs or while they were at school or asleep. I think that made it harder.
I remember when everything was saw raw and fresh. The “treasures” from her life that I was bringing into my home had to stay boxed up and hidden from view until I was ready. But time passed. I finally healed.
I have an ancient beat up canning funnel from her kitchen that now gives me joy every time I use it. I love feeling the connection back to her, and I love the idea of her looking down from heaven and smiling to see that I learned to can and make jelly.
I know it hurts now. Let it. The time will come when it hurts less. I wish I could hug you and tell you it will be all better… because it will.
susan´s last [type] ..Want to know my big secret for potty training?
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. My Grandmom loved helping and she always wanted to fold my laundry. It used to be a dreaded chore for me, but now I feel close to her when I do this
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last [type] ..Goodbye
I’m so sorry for your loss, Tina. Sending you hugs and prayers.
Charmin @ the Momiverse´s last [type] ..Frankenweenie: Movie review and trailer
Thanks Charmin!
I’m so sorry, Tina. My grandma passed away when I was 11 and she was only 61. I’m so glad that your family got to know her but it doesn’t make the loss any easier!
Fadra´s last [type] ..Charity Pit Stop On My Toyota Road Trip
Yes she did live a long and wonderful life, yet it feels so soon, you know?
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last [type] ..Goodbye
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that celebrating the joys of her life will help you in your grieving process. All my love to you and your family! xoxo
Jenn [ Crippled Girl ]´s last [type] ..18 Creative Halloween Snacks to Try
Thanks so much Jen! XOXO
She did hear you and is watching over all of you. I feel the same way about my Grandpa who died a year ago this November. She was blessed to be surrounded by such love. Hold onto those memories and know that she loves you and will be your guardian angel, as well. Prayers to you and your family
I just can’t believe she’s not here, but you are right. She was very loved (and she knew it)….and is now watching over us
I am so sorry that you lost your grandma… I know that it’s difficult and that with time the pain fades but I’m sure you already have heard that a million times. I’m sure that she is happy and looking down at you & your family full of love for all of you.
Sending lots of hugs & love your way.
Jackie´s last [type] ..The winds of change
Thanks Jackie, appreciate the sweet words.
I am so sorry, Tina.
I remember losing my grandmother, and to this day, I wish so hard she was here for my kids to love.
I know the heartbreak, but I also can tell that she felt great love from you.
Aw, sweet girl, this is a tough one.
I saw her pretty much everyday, and I still can’t believe she’s not here. She was very loved
Tina, I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandma. I know the feeling well when I unexpectedly lost my Mom and a few years later my Dad. It’s never easy and it will hurt like crazy but eventually you’ll be able to get through your days without so much sadness. Doing things they did and touching what was once theirs becomes a ritual in your healing. You’re in my prayers and a big hug sent your way.
Carol L
Thanks so much Carol…and sorry for your loss too
This was lovely Tina. I am so sorry for your loss, and am moved by your grief and relationship with your grandmother. May you find peace in the memories.
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Thanks Erin!
Awww, Tina. I’m so very sorry to see you experience this kind of loss and pain
Know that your grandmother loved you so very much and that she’s doing all that she can to take care of your boys from beyond. XOXO and sending you much love and healing during this difficult time.
I know, I truly believe that. She had such a special bond with them…she always thought they were her own kids!
I am so sorry for the loss of someone so wonderful in your life. My grandma meant the world to me and that is a pain that I can’t even describe when she had passed on. Know that she is with you all the time. Smiling down and feeling so proud of you xoxo
Kimberly´s last [type] ..Eating Turkey Like A Boss
Thanks Kimberly, that’s so warming!
I’m sorry for your loss! Having been through it, I can say the pain lessens, and will be replaced by lovely memories. It will be surprising to you the first time you remember something, possibly to re-teach a lesson or recount a story, and instead if pain at the loss, you feel happy for the memory. Virtual hugs and real prayers for your family!
I ma so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was the kind of grandmother that share a lot of love and wonderful memories.
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