I gripped the steering wheel tighter as my heart began to thump in my chest.
I kept my eyes on the road and every few seconds would do a quick look in my rear view mirror.
My little boy was sitting all the way in the back. His arm was resting on the arm rest and his chin laid in the palm of his hand.
He looked up at me and gave me a sweet smile.
My heart started beating faster.
In a few minutes, his sweet smile will change. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I have to do this for me.
I made a right into the parking lot and I heard a little voice say, “Where are we Mom?”
I parked. Got out of the car and opened his door to scoop him up.
“Mom, where are we?”
He started to panic and tears started streaming down his face.
“This is the gym, sweetie. Mommy is going to exercise while you get to play with all the kids in a big toy room.”
He started shaking his head no and more tears streamed down his face.
As we entered the childcare room, he fingers dug into my skin.
“Don’t leave me! I’m not going! Take me home!”
Fifteen minutes later we were back in the car.
His face was beat red and his eyes were glassy.
I sat in the front seat, ready to burst into tears.
All I wanted was one hour. One hour to do something for me.
I buckled my seat belt and looked in the rear view mirror once more before backing up.
Our eyes met and my son gave me a little smile. His tiny hand raised up with the I love you sign – something we do all the time.
I took a deep breath and thought “tomorrow is another day.”