Decision To Have More Children; Tips from the Playground

by Tina @ Life Without Pink on June 17, 2011

If this is the first time you are visiting Tips from the Playground, visit THIS page for more information.

In short, I’ll be featuring a new guest each week that will pose a question to the group. Then we will open it up to the moms in the playground {that’s you!} to offer tips, suggestions and experiences.

Remember, this isn’t a place to judge but to offer help and support!

If this is the first time you are visiting Tips from the Playground, visit THIS page for more information.

In short, I’ll be featuring a new guest each week that will pose a question to the group. Then we will open it up to the moms in the playground {that’s you!} to offer tips, suggestions and experiences.

Remember, this isn’t a place to judge but to offer help and support!

This week’s question comes from one of my dear friends Devan @ Accustomed Chaos;

Before my husband and I got married we decided that we would have 3 children. I have always wanted five children but he has only wanted two kids. We felt that agreeing on three kids was a good compromise between my want for 5 and his want for 2 – right in the middle.

It’s been 2.5 years since our third was born and I’m finding myself having the itch for another child.  My husband is not ‘there’ but has also not shut the door but he says he is not ready yet.  I guess what I am wondering from you all is how do you know when you are done growing your family? Is it a gut instinct, financial, etc? What do you do when/if there are different opinions on ‘done’ between your husband and you?

Don’t forget to follow Devan on twitter @accustomedchaos and on Facebook!

Have a burning question or a topic you want to discuss? Want to be featured on Tips from the Playground? Email me at tina@lifewithoutpink.com.

Meet Tina @ Life Without Pink


I'm Tina, a wife and mother of two very active little boys. I'm the Co-founder of Girls' Lunch Out {GLO}, a marketing company that hosts networking events for women in social media. I'm also part of the BabyCenter social media team and the 2013 Family Expert for P&G's Have You Tried This Yet? Trend Trio.

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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Rebecca June 17, 2011 at 7:24 am

Devon,
I have NO IDEA! Sorry i know that is not much help. But, I feel the same way you do. My baby will be 3 in September and we know we definitely want to have more kids, but my hubby wants 2 and I want 3! LOL

I think it’s your gut instinct, because no matter what when it comes to babies-the money just comes. It always works out. You may not have enough for them to have fancy toys or clothes, but they will have plenty of love.

And, I personally believe that a child who is loved is more rich in life than any other spoiled munchkin. :)

Thanks for sharing!
Rebecca´s last blog post ..Sesame Place Opening Weekend 2011

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2 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 8:07 am

Rebecca
It actually helps a lot to know that i am not the only one without the answer to this one. I agree with you – that its more of a gut instinct and a feeling the financial & i LOVE your belief that a loved child is more rich.
Thanks!!

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3 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:48 am

Oh Rebeca love your last statement! So true :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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4 Kmama June 17, 2011 at 8:13 am

We are struggling with this right now. Financially, in order to be comfortable (as we are now) we should stop at two. But I have a want for another child. I could be perfectly happy with the 2 we have now, and to be honest, adding another child and all the stress (financial included) that comes with it, scares me. So I don’t really know. Does the “want” for another child, no matter how many you have, ever really go away??

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5 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 8:40 am

Kmama
That is another good question! My husband jokes with me that he feels i’m not ever going to feel ‘done’ no matter how many kids i have – so i think that plays into his hesitation into wanting another child.

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6 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:50 am

That’s a great question! I feel like a small part of me is not done. Not sure why, because its hard handling too….My hubby is done though and I still sometimes think, what if???
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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7 Miranda June 17, 2011 at 8:40 am

I’ve been writing about this for two days now and still have no answers. And I’m only talking about adding a second! I’ll be interested to see what the playground has to say.
Miranda´s last blog post ..Second Shift

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8 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 8:43 am

Miranda
It’s comforting to know im not the only one struggling with this one – I hope the Playground can give you some insight too

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9 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:51 am

I think its a hard decision at any stage…to have one, two, three or more. I don’t know if I could handle 3 yet, I still think maybe just maybe :) But I know my hubby is good with 2 so we will see.
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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10 pvbkyvh February 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm
11 JDaniel4's Mom June 17, 2011 at 8:55 am

I would have loved two. My husband agreed to one. He us a really special one. Sorry! I haven’t got answers.

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12 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 9:45 am

Thanks so much for helping me feel so not alone!

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13 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:51 am

Oh so sweet. Yes we have to be blessed with what we got :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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14 Samantha June 17, 2011 at 8:55 am

I always thought I would have two children. When I was pregnant with Roxy, I debated. I didn’t have a great pregnancy. Unfortunately after her rough start, we were told that we need to think long and hard about more children because our chances of having pre-eclampsia again is 50/50. The doctor said he wasn’t trying to tell us not to, but that we needed to consider having a toddler, my having to be off work and on bed rest, etc. That pretty much shut the door for us on more children. I would love to have more, but I just don’t think it’ll ever happen.

My situation is so different, I know that probably doesn’t help at all.

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15 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 9:47 am

We have a different situation as well – a history of 10 miscarriages and daily injections for pregnancy and bed rest – so i know that all factors into this for us as well. It’s hard when medical issues play a role in the decision because then you can feel like you have a bit less control.

Thanks so much for sharing Samantha!

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16 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:53 am

Devan is right we all have different situations, some of them are out of our control unfortunately {and which is the hardest part to deal with}. Thanks for sharing your story :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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17 Evonne June 17, 2011 at 9:10 am

Right now we have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. My husband has said he’s done. We have one of each, 2 parents 2 kids=equal to manage (sometimes-lol). Logically I know we do not have the room for another child right now and it could make finances tight. But knowing that, I still have the itch for another.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel “done”, but if my husband feels he is, than I don’t feel it’s right to try and convince him otherwise.
Evonne´s last blog post ..Because of Harry

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18 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 17, 2011 at 9:52 am

Thanks so much for your input Evonne! I dont feel anyone should be pressured into having more children either – it can be hard when you and your spouse want different things. We try to come at it like – do you *not* want another child more then i *do* want another child … but its still hard to try to meld the two feelings so one is not pressured & the other is not left unfulfilled.

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19 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:54 am

Wow I have the same situation! I always just wanted two but maybe since I have two boys, I am leaning towards another…not sure. But my hubby is done and there is no convincing nor do I really want to do that. Thanks for sharing!
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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20 Jacki June 17, 2011 at 11:02 am

I have one biological child and one stepchild. I am 35 and my partner is 46. He informed me about 4 years ago that he was done and it was really hard. I have struggled with it because I would have really liked to have another, but with our ages being what they are, and getting to a point where we can actually picture what we will be doing once the kids are grown, I have decided that the two kids are enough. I still ache a bit, but I know that it is the best decision for us.

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21 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:56 am

Maybe we will always have that “ache” no matter how many kids we have, how old, or what stage of life we are in? I always feel like my window of opportunity will be closing soon and maybe that scares me? But I know we will only have 2, so I really should just stop wanting or thinking about a 3rd :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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22 Jenn @Fox in the City June 17, 2011 at 11:06 am

For me I just knew that I was done. I was sick throughout both of my pregnancies and I turned to my husband halfway through the 2nd and said that I was done . . . no more pregnancies for me. Luckily my husband was of the same mindset and he went and got a vasectomy in December.

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23 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:57 am

Yeah well being sick like that while you are pregnant is not fun and so much harder when you have other children. Thanks for sharing :)
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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24 jennifer davis, ca June 17, 2011 at 11:12 am

GREAT question, Im in the EXACT situation! We have 2 beautiful children trying to decide when would be the nest time add our 3rd possibly final baby! I always wanted 4 or 5 kids, bit my husband thinks mostly of the financial aspect of it, so we compromised on 3, with me still holding hope for a late in life #4! Anywho can’t wait to see the responses!

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25 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:58 am

Seems like a lot of us face this very same issue! My hubby only wants two, and I’ve always been back and forth. But I honestly don’t know if I could handle 3 {is that horrible}? I would love another though, love big families!
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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26 Courtney @ The Mommy Matters June 17, 2011 at 11:56 am

I wish I knew the magic answer to this, but I don’t. We are TTC our second child, and it took some time for both of us to get on the same page. We considered finances, how much room we have in our home, the amount of time we would be able to devote to our children (we want to make sure that each child gets the same amount of attention…no favoritism). There are a lot of things to look at. I say, just keep the lines of communication open. When we started discussing whether or not to have another baby, we sat down MANY times and talked through all of the reasons we should, and should NOT have another baby right now. Go with your intuition. Good luck!
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters´s last blog post ..All Smiles…

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27 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:59 am

That’s a great idea, thank you so much! You are right, open communication is the key. Love what you said!
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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28 Ryan (The Woven Moments) June 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm

For me the question is practical (how old do I want to be when I retire? when I have an empty nest?) and emotional (do i have more love to give)?

But at the end of the day, my partner gets a vote too. And he has to answer the same questions I do. The bottom line is I don’t want to tax my relationship with him.
Ryan (The Woven Moments)´s last blog post ..Stuff I Dig – Days- Diplomas- and Dads

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29 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 7:59 am

You are so right! I know my hubby would be over the edge with 3, now do I really want to do that? lol
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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30 Kristie Eid June 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I promise I am not trying to spam you all into heading over to my blog. Promise :) I answered this same question, to myself and my readers, just over a year ago when my second daughter was 9 months old. It is sort of long, so I don’t want to copy and paste it into the comment sections, instead I’ll just leave the link to the exact post and if you want to head over and read it, feel free!

http://eidshaveit.blogspot.com/2010/04/when-you-know-you-just-know.html

Kristie eid

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31 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:00 am

Thank you for sharing! I will def take a look at it.
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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32 Alexandra June 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm

All I can tell you is this: my arms never felt full with 2.

At the 3rd, I was beaming.

And felt content.

Totally fully, content.
Alexandra´s last blog post ..Things Dont Happen By Magic

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33 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:00 am

Everything you write is so brilliantly put! Love this!

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34 C @ Kid Things June 17, 2011 at 3:27 pm

We always knew we would have 2. My 3rd, however, she was a surprise. Though I still had little twinges now and then after my 2nd, like something was missing. After my 3rd was born, though, I knew that was it. I can’t say there was a defining moment, I just have my hands full and I know it’s all I can handle. I’m good. I’m done.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog post ..No Gabba Gabba

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35 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:01 am

I am sure that’s a lot! I feel with 2 my arms are full :) Thanks for sharing your story!

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36 Glamamom June 17, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Oh gosh darling, I don’t know. I’m just getting started! But I can tell you I think it’s more than just a feeling. I think it depends on your family situation, and what the unit can handle emotionally and financially.
Glamamom´s last blog post ..OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO

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37 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:03 am

You are so right! I found it harder going from 1 to 2 then 0 to 1 {not trying to scare you}…I guess because there is only 1 of me and 2 of them :)

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38 Jessica June 17, 2011 at 8:23 pm

This was easy for my husband and I because we both only wanted two children. Good luck in deciding what to do.

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39 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:03 am

Now that is easy!

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40 Michelle June 17, 2011 at 10:30 pm

I have 3 kids (1 biological from my 1st marriage and 2 from my hubby’s 1st marriage) and I know I am not done. I truly feel I’ll know when I am done and I am not there. I have tried to describe this deep longing I have for another baby to my hubby but he just doesn’t get it.

We don’t have any kids together and when we met I clearly said not having another baby would be a “deal breaker” for me. That didn’t make the process of getting hubby on board any easier. We’ve been together 5 1/2 years, married for 3 and we are finally ready to start trying in the next year or so. I told him I wanted him to be 100% on board and excited before we started trying. We also had numerous financial goals to meet and we’re finally getting there.

I don’t know if I’ll feel “done having kids” once I have another one but I’ll have 4 kids and I know having a 4th was a compromise for hubby so I’ll stop. Marriage is all about give and take and compromise.
Michelle´s last blog post ..Moving Day Is Almost Here

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41 Tina @ Life Without Pink June 18, 2011 at 8:16 am

Thank you for sharing your story! You are so right – marriage is about give and take. I know my hubby said he was done at 2 and I respect that. I guess maybe we will always have that feeling of wanting another one, not sure?
Tina @ Life Without Pink´s last blog post ..Decision To Have More Children Tips from the Playground

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42 Mel June 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

I always seemed to have in my mind 2 kids and when I was blessed with a boy and a girl I never have once questioned not having more kids. I even wrote a post about my happiness of just being a family of four http://www.melsboxofchocolates.com/2008/07/four-please.html My husband and I never really talked about the exact number before we were married, but both were content at stopping at two. So for me I have to say that it was just a gut instinct. I have had friends who tell me they wish they had that finality feeling that I express. I always tell them that they will know when it’s time. I do think that financially it is the best decision for us as well because I know what experiences I do want to offer my kiddos and if we had more then I wouldn’t be able to give them those. I am confident that you will know when you know! Hang in there!!

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