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The other night after we got the kids to bed, my husband and I fell onto the couch out of pure exhaustion.
He was off the entire week which could have not come at a better time. In addition, to working a full-time job from home I’m also running the Philadelphia Community for Chevy. I know I’m a bit out of my mind, but I love what I do.
I spent most of my days sitting behind a computer trying to catch up on work.
He spent most of his days playing Mr. Mom by entertaining the kids, helping me make meals and handling school drop offs.
We both laid on the couch not saying a word, trying to catch our breath from the busy day we had.
After a few minutes, my husband started to tell me about a conversation he had with my older son earlier that day.
On their way home from school, my husband asked my son how his day was.
It was good.
Did you do anything fun?
Yes, we went outside today and played.
That’s cool – it’s a nice day out.
Yeah but Dad?
What bud?
I don’t think F and R like me?
Why would you say that?
Because when I talk to them they ignore me and walk away from me. They do it all the time.
Well, you know bud your not going to be friends with everyone and that’s ok. You have friends, right?
Yeah S and B are my best friends at school. I like them!
It’s ok to not be friends with everyone as long as you are nice to people that’s all that matters.
After my husband finished the story, my heart felt like it was broken. My son is only in preschool and already he has to face kids not liking him and playing the mean game with one another.
I felt sad.
This was the first time I felt like I couldn’t protect my little guy. Once I drop him off, I don’t know what goes on behind the school doors.
I know he is going to face harder issues as he gets older, but I never thought he would go through this at such a young age.
Days later, this conversation still haunts me.
I still feel heartbroken for my son.
Have you ever gone through a similar situation?
This post linked with Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out. Today Shell is celebrating PYHO’s 1 yr Anniversary. Congrats!!
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
Thankfully, we have not yet had to go through this. I only hope that’s because we just haven’t faced it yet, and not because my son is the “mean one.” This parenting gig is soooo hard.
Kmama´s last [type] ..It’s Good to Be Green
No not yet..but I fear it so much.some days I am so glad that they are twins and have each other through the tough times and others I wonder if that will be enough. My heart is sad about your son too…I really wish we could all just get along. HUGS
Yes. I have a 4th grader who has Asperger’s and is “quirky.” He’s been a victim of this sort of behavior as well as out and out bullying. Boys are just as mean as girls, and girls are just as mean to boys as they are to other girls these days. What I’ve found is the attitudes are often perpetuated at home by the parents.
Amanda´s last [type] ..KP Duty – Cheeseburger Flatbreads
Yes so true. It’s sad that kids have to face this especially at such a young age. My son shrugged it off but it bothers me that he brought it up…He obviously noticed they ignore him. Sad.
I really am saddened by these things and I have seen it happen with my daughter. It’s crummy. I feel your pain Mama. I really do. I wish there was a way to keep all those tough things out of our kid’s lives. Unfortunately, all we can do is help them navigate the situation and provide support.
Nicole@MTDLBlog´s last [type] ..The Twins One Year Later
You are right. It is scary letting them go out in the world and experience these kinds of things. I wish I could hold his hand and protect him but obviously I can’t
I think we can all relate to this as parents. Every morning I drop my teenage son off and pray that he will have a good day and come home with nothing but positive things to say, however, that is not always the case. He handles his peers like a champ and for this I am grateful.
Keep your chin up!
Kisma´s last [type] ..5QF- Saturday Morning
Yes it happened a lot with my oldest. He had adhd and needed a lot of help understanding the concept of making and keeping friends. Proud to say that he has gotten better over the years. But the worst was when my 3 year old said the one other girl in class wouldn’t play with her. Broke me heart.
Mellisa´s last [type] ..Monday Mingle
I know! How can kids be mean at 3yrs old? I mean I know they are kids and just learning but when they are mean to your child it breaks your heart. As long as my child isn’t the mean one, he’ll be ok. He has friends and like my hubby said you aren’t friends with everyone. Glad your oldest is doing good
My middle son is dealing with this in High school. He has a lot of friends and a lot of female friends. So of course the boys torment him and accuse him of being gay. I told him they are jealous cause the girls come to him because he is an upright boy. He can be their friend without any expectation of anything more. Doesn’t keep it from being painful to him, but when he is older and the girls that he thought were out of his reach seek him out because he is the way he is, he will have the last laugh. He already has the head cheerleader on speed dial and she does him as well.. bwhahahaha
Angel´s last [type] ..A weekend to celebrate recovery
I am dreading high-school! That is when the real mean kids come out. Good for your son, sounds like you raised him right
The advice your husband gave him is right on – and this won’t be the last time. My girls are in middle school and that’s when things really start getting crazy. Hormones, girls and boys “liking” each other or NOT, gossip, emotional swings, different interests that lead to competing friendships. Uggh. We’re getting hammered. With some kids – it’s not about being mean – it’s just about different interests and appreciating a couple of close friends rather than having to be friends with everyone. My two daughters are the opposite when it comes to their social lives – one is incredibly social and struggles with trying to be everyone’s friend when some people only want a couple of friends and get mad if she’s not with them all the time. My other daughter is quiet and some people don’t understand that – thinking it’s snobbery. Some times, we can’t fix their problems – just listen and give the best advice depending on the situation.
Sarah´s last [type] ..Enter to win a 50 Target gift card from Deals That Matter!
I can imagine it would be hard for girls…boy do I know they can be MEAN {probably harder than the boys}. I remember going through so much as a teenager, but thankfully I always stayed true to myself. Good luck!
I know! Doesn’t this just break your heart? Happened to my preschooler too (4K). She was stunned (me too!) that this other girl could be so mean. The good thing in your story and mine, is that our little ones talked to us about it, so we can help them navigate through it.
I can’t protect her from all the tough times in her world…but I can help her, help HERSELF deal with it, and remain intact – with strength and empathy.
I know the one thing I want our boys to always do is feel comfortable coming to us and talking about things. Unfortunately, I ask my son every day how school was and he never mentioned to me, but I am glad he did to my husband. I want to be there for them and always keep the communication open…its healthier that way!
Unfortunately, it starts so early.
I”ve had another problem with my son- he was telling me how he always plays with C and H…we were on our way to R’s party and I asked him if he ever plays with him and he said no, that C says that R can’t play. I told him he should be nice and include R, too…but at the same time, I feared that if he stood up like that, that he would be the one on the outs. Even though I WANT him to stand up for others, I don’t want him left out, either. It’s such a fine line to walk.
And this could probably be a blog post on its own. LOL
My heart breaks for you on this! My oldest goes to preschool next year and I can’t tell you how worried I am. It’s just like you said: “This was the first time I felt like I couldn’t protect my little guy.Once I drop him off, I don’t know what goes on behind the school doors.” Makes you just want to give the little guy a hug!
Elena @NaynaDub´s last [type] ..Super Fort
I experienced that myself as a child so I worried tremendously about my own kids. Neither of them had any problems, but I know the pain you’re talking about and I’m so glad he’s sharing it with you so you can support him. I didn’t tell my parents things like that.
blueviolet @ A Nut in a Nutshell´s last [type] ..North Carolina Nights
It’s unfortunate that any of us have to learn this lesson, but my oldest has had to learn it as well. When something like that happens, I just try to focus on the good friends he has and spend some extra mommy time with him. That usually makes him feel better and he has adapted quickly to ignore it when someone doesn’t like him.
Brandy´s last [type] ..Stodgy is Sexy
Oh this is so sad.
Kids are so MEAN! Even at such a young age. We are getting ready to put our son in Preschool and I am terrfied of this kind of thing. I can’t protect him when he isn’t with me. And that scares the bajesus out of me. Unfortunately this is something we all have to deal with eventually. Just keep him reminded of the good friends he has!
Courtney K.´s last [type] ..Brown Eyed Girl
I didn’t realize things like this would start so early! Preschool? Really? Where do kids that young even learn to act that way to one another? I would think at that age you get along with everyone. It makes my heart hurt for your little one having to learn this lesson so early.
Melisa´s last [type] ..Stream of Consciousness Sunday- Balance
It makes me so mad that bullying is starting that early in life! Even though your husband is right and not everyone will like you, in preschool you are fostering friendships and practicing social skills. Acting that way isn’t good. Personally I would speak to his teacher, but that is just me.
UGH! Don’t you just hate that? The one time that really sticks out in my mind was when Jackson was 4 and was a Pollen Jock for Halloween. He and my youngest were very into “The Bee Movie” and they wanted to be Pollen Jocks. Of course you can’t go to Party City and pick up a Pollen Jock costume so I was forced to make it. They had a parade at school and all the other kids had spiderman, superman, hulk or other commerical type costumes on and when they saw Jackson’s some of them looked at him perplexed and some even laughed because well it was a bit different than the rest, it was the “normal” type of costume. I thought it was amazing myself and so did he until he got home from school and said, “I don’t want to be a Pollen Jock anymore”. I asked him why and he said “My friends don’t like it”, and the look on his face did break my heart. We had a long talk about it, and the next day we pretty much forgot about that moment and he was very happy to wear his costume on Halloween night. He got LOTS of positive comments and “good” laughs from our neighbors and that made him feel great about the costume again. It sickens me that children at preschool age can be SO MEAN, it makes me wonder what those children are going to be like as they get older.
Keep teaching your son how to be empathic, caring, and self confident so as he gets older he will know who to be friends with and who to not bother with. That is what I am hoping for my boys.
There is definitely a special bond between a mom and their son, no one is going to mess with our little cubs
Oooh! My heart would break, too. It’s so crushing to hear words like that form our kids, and at such a young age! I hope things improve for him at preschool!
liz´s last [type] ..How I learned to be a good mom…from my dog
This is the reason it took me almost 25 years to figure out if I even wanted kids….not because of labor or anything, but because they would have to go to school and I wouldn’t know what was going on. My oldest is in preschool now and I dread conversations like that!
Greta´s last [type] ..Less Than 12 Days!
That is so hard. And so sad that it happens so young. Sadly, my four year old has also been treated poorly by a mean girl. I fear elementary school…it’s so hard to set them free when we just don’t know what they will face. Great post.
The saddest thing about this is that we’re talking pre school.Very sad. And I’m right there with you. My heart would be broken to think my child at so young felt it enough to bring it up to his Dad. But thank goodness he felt he could tell him. I went through this with my oldest who now has a5 year old of his own. I can still remember the day he came home and was so excited because the next day one of the boys was going to be bringing in Birthday invitations and they were going to the Zoo. Well that next day my son came home from school and was very quiet
When I sat down in front of him I asked how his day went and he broke down on me and said he didn’t get an invitation to the party and everyone else did. My heart stopped and I felt as wounded as he did. I held him because I couldn’t dare speak yet and the phone rang, it was the teacher saying she found his invitation on her desk. But he was so hurt anyway because when he stood waiting for his the little boy looked at him and said you probably don’t have one because I don’t care if you come. As Mothers we are going to hurt a lot for our children but I think if we keep letting them know how loved they are they survive. It’s us Moms who may not lol It still blows my mind how cruel this child could be at such a young age.
Carol L
Lucky4750@aol.com
It’s so hard when you can’t protect their feelings. I know this is a different perspective, but in a way I applaud his instincts for recognizing how the other kids were reacting. Not every young child is able to do that.
Jessica´s last [type] ..How to be Supportive when a Friend has Cancer
I think it is so hard as a mama not to run to our kiddos defense. I know I certainly struggle with it. I think it hit me late though…our son was in 3rd grade and he biked to school everyday. Apparantly for 2 weeks he was bullied before and after school at the bike rack….and he didn’t tell me. My heart ached for my son. And then my Mama Bear raged!!!
Crystal´s last [type] ..Ive Gotta Mystery To Solve
I am so sad for your broken heart! I have been there and I think it is the worst part of being a mom to see your child in pain. I would take it on a million times to prevent my pumpkins from this hurt. You can always use it as a teaching moment. I often refer to past situations and ask my son “Do you remember how that felt?” I am proud to say that at 12 yrs old, he is a very compassionate boy, a good sport in atheletics and I am hoping will be a wonderful man.
Paula@Simply Sandwich´s last [type] ..I Can Sorta Relate
Oh, lord, we had a similar convo today. My kid? got a note in his cubby that said “you’re the worst kid”
so sad for my kid. he has friends, but someone else thinks he’s the worst. at FIVE years old. sucks.
which is SO not the truth
MommaKiss´s last [type] ..200 Wins at Life
Oh I feel your pain!! I’m so sorry that you and your son have to deal with this. My daughter went through something similar and we said the same thing about not everybody being your friend. I find that my daughter can sometimes be the mean one though so we are focusing on being a friend in order to have friends. I hate that we can protect our kids from everything anymore. This parenting stuff is tough!!
Mel´s last [type] ..Sunday Stars 3-13-11
Your story is breaking my heart. I have the same worries for my son. He’s not even three yet and I worry about the time when a child that he wants to be friends with, doesn’t want to return the friendship. It’s such a hard lesson to learn, at such an early age.
For what it’s worth, I think your husband handled it beautifully.
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last [type] ..virtual Coffee
I worry about that with my oldest son. He’s very sensitive and has so much empathy for others, I’m afraid some mean boy will see that as a weakness instead of a strength. On the other hand, I could see one of my younger sons becoming a mean boy. He’s so tough and pushes people’s buttons.
Sarah´s last [type] ..Confession- I am PTA dropout
Lucas is 4 and was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is an autism spectrum disorder in December. I always knew that he was different and had a feeling that he was autistic just never heard the confirmation from the doctors. Lucas attends preschool 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. One morning in November, I was dropping Lucas off and two of his classmates we’re over by the play kitchen area. They nudged one another, exchanged glances then loud enough for us to hear said, “Ew theres Lucas. Don’t talk to him, he’s weird.” It was soooo upset but decided to let it go and bite my tounge. A few weeks later one of the same classmates came up to me during pick up and said “You’re Lucas’ mommy, right? Well why is he so weird? He’s mean!!” I tried my best to keep my cool and explain to this little 4 year old girl that just because Lucas doesn’t talk a lot or engage in games with other kids doesn’t mean that he is “weird”. I tried explaining that everything kid is different. Her mother just stood there and paid no attention. Breaks my heart that children are like that and that unfortunately this is something we will have to deal with for years to come.
oh god yes. my son had tons of friends in pre-school. whenever i dropped him off the kids were always beckoning him over to play at their station.
Kindergarten? totally different story. E had a very hard time at the beginning of the school year making new friends. Part of it was because he’s younger than most of the kids and therefore was more immature, part was because I found out via the teacher a handful of the kids knew each other already. and a big part was that with a half day, there’s not much time for the kids to just PLAY and get to know one another (like in pre-school).
I was devastated when he would say things like “nobody likes me. but i don’t care.” In hindsight, i know realize some of this was exaggeration on his part.
anyway, I’m thrilled to say thing are sooo much better now. There are definitely a couple of kids that he clicks with in the class and when I observe him at bday parties, everything seems fine.
SaucyB’s last blog… Historic NJ: Thomas Edison Historical Park
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Oh gosh, that is sad. ALREADY. Wow. I feel you and am totally unprepared for it. Boys too, huh? YIKES. Hang in there mama. This kind of stuff builds character.
Glamamom´s last [type] ..CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION
Oh yes and it is heartbreaking. My son had this one boy in preschool who constantly grabbed toys from him, pushed him, and said mean things to him.
It broke my heart especially b/c he’s a sensitive soul and we have always encouraged him to be kind and respectful to others. It’s tough when our children encounter these obstacles. Unfortunately, it is just the beginning and all we can do is bolster our children, instill them with self confidence, all the while reinforcing that it really is better to be kind than mean.
Simple, right?
I hope your son enjoys his friends and that the other boys learn how to be nicer
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last [type] ..Fevers in ChildrenWhen to Treat
That is really heartbreaking
But your hubby did a great job of explaining things to your little guy. He won’t be friends with everyone, and what Glamamom said is true–it’ll build character. He has friends he gets along with already, but I’m sad that he has to deal with mean boys at such a young age in life.
Wrapping you all in a giant *BEAR HUG*
Ohhhh – I hope this gets easier! Though I don’t if it will because I’m OLD and I still don’t like it when people don’t like me. My son is in kindergarten and we have had similar incidents – fortunately they usually are short! In that we can’t protect them as much as we might like once we drop them off at school, I guess we need to focus on preparing them!
I have twin boys and I put them in different classes at school so they could make their own friends and have those negative experiences as well. Obviously, not everyone is going to like everyone else. My reasoning is that my little boys need to learn at a young age that there will be people who just don’t like them and who they just don’t like and that it’s ok to not like someone. I think it will be easier for them if they learn this earlier rather than later. That being said, I am also trying to teach them to be kind to everyone
Amanda´s last [type] ..Rangers Baseball
Yep. It’s probably the most painful part about life with autism
Yep. It’s probably the most painful part about life with autism.
Poor thing. Kids can be so cruel. giving him reassurance and comfort at home is the best thing you can do. It sounds like you and your husband have that down!
Stopped by from Shell’s. Better late than never.
Adrienne´s last [type] ..God is so good!