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My heart pounded in my chest and I could remember my body getting hot with fear.
Go away, go away, go away!
I slowly slid the covers down so that my little eyes could peek out.
A ghostly figure stood in my doorway. One arm stretched out leaning against the wall and the other hand remained in his pocket. He stood still, staring at me.
What does he want?
Where’s my mommy and daddy?
Twenty-nine years later and I can still remember this like it was yesterday.
My parents went out to a meeting that evening and had our neighbor, a sixteen year old girl, babysit us. She had watched us on occasion before and my parents were friends with her family.
They felt safe leaving us with her.
Shortly after my parents left, we heard a knock on the door.
Our babysitter answered the door and in walked a group of strangers. From what I remember there was at least ten teenage boys and girls carrying boxes, which now I know was filled with alcohol.
I can still remember the feeling of panic. Who are these people? What are they doing in my house?
As a child, I had never felt so scared and vulnerable than at that very moment.
My little brother clung to me and I knew that I needed to protect him and tell him that it was going to be ok.
They turned on the music and danced around as my brother and I sat in the corner watching.
Two men sat down next to us and opened my parent’s wood burning stove. “Watch this kids…you want to see the fire ROAR?”
Being only four at the time, I remember saying, “Please don’t do that…the house will catch on fire!”
The men smirked and giggled as they kept taunting the fire, making it crack and spark right in front of us.
Later that evening, we were put to bed and I could still hear my brother crying for me. He was scared and alone and all I wanted to do was be with him…but I wasn’t allowed.
As I peeked out, watching the man in my doorway, I wanted to disappear at that very moment.
Luckily, the man walked away and now I understand why he was standing there.
My mother left her purse on the hallway door, a few doors down from my room. Easy and convenient for strangers to rummage through to find her wallet.
The man in my doorway was making sure I didn’t see what they were doing. They stole money, and thankfully my brother and I were not touched or harmed.
It was teenagers just being teenagers.
I wonder if they could ever imagine that I would still remember pieces from that night.
That it has stuck with me all of these years and the main reason why I haven’t let anyone watch my children other than family or very close friends.
After that evening, my parents never trusted anyone again except for family. Now as a parent, I struggle with this very issue.
I am curious, what are some of your experiences with letting ‘non-family members’ watch your children? How do you make sure you are hiring the right babysitter?
This post is linked up with Pour Your Heart Out over at Things I Can’t Say.
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
I can see why you would be hesitant to leave your kids alone with anyone. That has to be really scary for you and your brother.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..21 weeks =-.
I can’t imagine as a parent or child how horrible this would be. We have had older ladies from the church come to babysit JDaniel and my sister.
.-= JDaniel4′s Mom´s last blog ..Muffin Tin Monday- Owl Moon Lunch =-.
Wow! How scary! I haven’t had too many people I don’t know watch my kids. It is a really difficult choice, though. Even out of the people that I have let watch my kids, there are some that my kids just do not like. I usually don’t use them if I have other options.
.-= That One Mom´s last blog ..Touching Base PINT Style =-.
Wow! That is really scary! It’s sad that that happened to you and that people would act like that! When I was younger, I had a babysitter who got pregnant at my house while babysitting me! Of course my parents didnt let her babysit anymore!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..3 weeks =-.
How frightening for you to have gone through that.
So far, we’ve only had family and close friends watch our kids. I’ve been thinking about this b/c I feel like we need to get another sitter…but it’s scary to think that you don’t really know who you are letting into your house.
My son is now 14 and doesn’t need a babysitter but when he did he went to the same in home daycare until he went to school and then she watched him for the few hours after school that I was still at work. Other than her, I never had anyone other than family watch my son.
I just didn’t trust anyone enough. Maybe that’s being over protective but you don’t get a do-over if something goes wrong.
.-= Frannie´s last blog ..Snow Days!! =-.
Well, honestly, we’ve never had anyone who isn’t family watch our kids. We either 1) Don’t go out… or 2) Plan it to where my brother and his wife or JD’s aunt or mother will watch them. I just don’t trust people I don’t know, good reviews or not. The parents aren’t there to see what was going on while they were there, and in this day and time, how are you going to be sure your kids are actually OK? You can’t. It’s a gamble you’re just going to have to take. That’s just my personal opinion, to each his own.
.-= AlishaJaybird´s last blog ..Something New Im Working On Recently =-.
i would have been TERRIFIED & i imagine you were – since you can still remember it. {i remember being mega scared when i was younger but not nearly as scary as that!}
I have not let anyone other then my family watch my kids. I am not sure if that will change but i am lucky that i have brothers and a sister who live very close & my parents as well. Its tough. I honestly have a hard time having P at school.
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Give This To My Daughter- Guest Post =-.
Wow… all I can say is… WOW! I would be SO mad as a parent if I came home to find out about this. I am glad to hear that it was just money taken and you two were not hurt. I’ve never left my kiddos with anyone but family or really dear friends and after this I am glad I have stuck to that route!
.-= Dee´s last blog ..Snow Memory =-.
Oh my gosh Tina! How horrifying. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that idiot “babysitter” was severely punished.
I have had some teenage babysitters and luckily we have never had anything at all like that happen when they were here. I mainly have my family or close friends though.
Wow, I would have been so terrified! I couldn’t even imagine! I have never left my 3 year old with a non-family member. Ever. Unless I have known the teenager or whoever for a long, long time, I would never leave a child of mine with them.
I am the type who thinks of horrible scenarios that could happen in my head the entire time I’m away from my son, so I freak out. I still get up 2 to 3 times a night to make sure he is still in his bed. It’s horrible and really unhealthy, I know.
.-= Georgette´s last blog ..The D Word =-.
What a scary thing to go through. I can understand being leery of who babysits your kids.
I’ve only had family or a very close friend babysit my kids. Leaving my kids in someone else’s care is when my overprotective side comes out, so it’s probably very unlikely that anyone other than family would babysit for us.
.-= Evonne´s last blog ..Winter shopping tips =-.
That is horrifying! We have one site who is 50 and who has been with me since my duo were infants. We do not have family nearby so she is as good as it gets (which is pretty good)!
That’s a scary thing to have to go through. It’s amazing how we, even as adults, remember the details of scary events of our childhoods.
I am very paranoid about leaving my daughter with non-family members. I now have a babysitter that I found on care.com. She came highly recommended and during our interview, I felt comfortable with her (and so did my daughter). Even though she watches my daughter, since I work from home, I am not really away. And, I feel most comfortable with this set-up, at least for now.
I think it’s important to spend some time with the to-be babysitter before leaving children in their care. It’s tough.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Shes a computer geek =-.
No one is safe to leave your kids with. Truly.
I used to rely on family members to watch my daughter while I worked. My stepsister(she’s been my sister for more than 30 years) was watching her one evening. She ran to Wal-mart, her dtr (17) was upstairs in her room, her son and step son (12) were in the playroom with my dd playing video games. her husband was out in the connected garage. A month later while I was in labor with my DS my daughter told me what happened that day. My sister’s son was criminally prosecuted and our family has been through hell over it. NO ONE except my mother has watched my kids since. I can’t work for panic attacks since my mom started having major health issues four years ago. I NEVER leave my kids. Any where I go the kids go with me or my husband.
.-= Heidi Helene(@DreamFog)´s last blog ..Getting Brave =-.
My dtr was 4 at the time. That was 7 years ago.
.-= Heidi Helene(@DreamFog)´s last blog ..Getting Brave =-.
I have never left my child with anyone other than my mother or my MIL. I have known two people who were abused by older cousins when left in the care of an aunt/uncle. I’m sorry, but I am of the ‘trust no one’ group. Especially when there are older children left alone (even if adult is in another party of the house) with younger ones. A tween/teen male’s urges often cannot be controlled, even if they are a ‘nice kid.’ Even if they are family.
Just one more comment: for those who are interested, there’s a brave young woman named Erin Merryn who was abused as a child who is fighting to make a difference in kids lives. Her family was also torn apart when she accused her cousin (do families not believe a victim, or do they simply want silence??) She was on Oprah last month & has helped pass ‘Erin’s Law’ to teach kids about abuse here in Illinois. Follow her at @ErinMerryn
How scary! That is definitely the type of thing that stays with you forever…
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Cookie Dough Cupcakes – The Highs and the lows =-.
What a horrible story.
Well first I don’t let teenagers babysit, which cuts down on my pool of possiblities and is more expensive, but makes me feel better.
We don’t have any family nearby so non-family members are our only possiblity. Fortunately I have worked in the daycare industry for the past 10 years as a director and now training manager and always have relied on my teachers to help out. They are referenced checked, criminal background checked and know my children.
And things are getting easier as they get older. I now know that my oldest two would know to call me if anything crazy was happening.
.-= Making It Work Mom´s last blog ..Relaxation 101 =-.
Oh my GOD!!! How horrifying!! Did you tell your parents as soon as they got back? What happened tot he babysitter? And how in the hell did she think she wouldn’t get busted for that?!
.-= liz´s last blog ..Pfft! &8211 You Call THAT a &8220Snow Storm&8221 =-.
Thanks for “Pouring Your Heart Out.” I have to tell you I was terrified at the beginning. And I can see why it has left you feeling the way you feel.
I never had any experiences like that growing up. As a matter of fact my brother and I had some WONDERFUL babysitters, both male and female. But I have a hard time leaving my kids with anyone other than family. I can’t explain why. Other than the year we lived in China, (that’s a whole other story
), my kids have only been watched by someone OTHER than family, probably a total of 5 times. And they are 11, 9 and 3. So that’s almost 12 years of no one but family watching them. Of course it helps that I have very good family to help me. I might feel different if I didn’t have that support system. I might have an easier time leaving them with other people if it was something I had to do more often. But luckily for me, I don’t have to. And luckily for my kids, they have wonderful grandparents that look forward to spending time with them.
As a teenager that has babysit throughout her teenage years, I can say that I fight this a lot. There are so many teenagers that either talk on their phone or play on the computer or have friends over or worse, bounce someone’s kid off a trampoline that give the ones of us that babysit because we love children and it is a great “job” to have a bad name. I joined Care.com which is endorsed by several big names and have gotten many jobs off of there. I “prescreen” a family and I encourage you to do the same with your sitters. I go into an interview with questions to ask about everything: their child, them, what is ok and what is not ok as every house is different, etc. and keep it in a file for that family. While not every babysitter does this, I find it incredibly important for parents to feel comfortable leaving their children with me and work very hard to not just be the babysitter but also a part of the family.
It’s a great feeling when kids that I babysit call to tell me what happened at school or call and invite me to birthday parties/school functions/sporting events just because they know I will do everything I can do be there.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a babysitter you are truly comfortable with!
Oh my gosh, that’s a terrifying thing for a 4 yr old! I have left my kids with a teenager (a good friend’s daughter) but we stopped using her to babysit when we came home one night and found her asleep on the couch and the family room looking like a tornado had just passed through – harmless but annoying. There are some very responsible teens out there and babysitting is good way for them to learn, but I understand, especially with very young kids, that hiring a teenage babysitter can be scary and might not be right for everyone.
.-= Anne´s last blog ..My familys chocolate cake =-.
That is terrifying! We never allowed anyone but family to watch our kids. I know that doesn’t always work out safely either but we felt better that way.
.-= Marvi Marti´s last blog ..Wine & Cheese – 23rd Serving =-.
WOW! Tina, this is horrible! What a horrifying experience for you and your brother to go through at such a young age.
I am very lucky to have lots of family and very close friends of the family to watch B, but I wonder sometimes if we move if I would let others watch him. I can’t say that I would without talking to several people who have used the sitter or a copy of their school records and having them looked up for any criminal offenses.
Our babies are too precious to leave with strangers! Especially in this day and age. Things were not half as bad back then and look what you went through!
Sorry, I probably just made it worse. LOL
Wow! I never even heard about an experience like that. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you.
Even without that, I have a VERY hard time letting “just anyone” watch my children. Only family or close friends have had the pleasure. They just aren’t “me/mom.”
It’s a big reason I stay home with the kids. I’m extremely thankful that I can do so!
.-= Stacie @ CrazyMomLife´s last blog ..Tunnel Vision Saves Money =-.
Your fears are valid. As a mom, I share the same fear. The only time I let someone watch my little girl was when a close friend offered for her teenage daughter to babysit whom I also know very well and trust.
.-= Maricris of Zensible Mama´s last blog ..7 Reasons Why You I Should Write a Blog Post or Bust! =-.
Aw that would’ve been so scary. That would make it difficult for me to trust people with my children as well. I’m glad I was never one of ‘those’ babysitters.
.-= Venasas´s last blog ..Tutorial- Putting Archives on Own Page =-.
I had a babysitter less than 5 times in all the years of raising my kids. Shameful, I know.
I never have left my children with anyone other than my adult friends with kids…for fear of exactly what happened to you happening to my kids. This meant my husband and I didn’t go out much…but I figured that it was all part of the parenting gig.
Now we have two older teenagers who can watch the seven-year-old–teenagers who are total nerds and are super over-protective of their little sister. And they know the seven-year-old will rat them out for anything in a hot minute.
.-= Michele´s last blog ..Failure to Plan on Your Part… Or How I Said No and Lived to Tell the Tale =-.
OMGosh that is so scarey! I struggle leaving my kids and nothing like that ever happened to me!! That is such a horrible memory. Darn teens….I am always very nervous leaving my kids w/new sitters…and now I will be even more so!
.-= Crystal´s last blog ..Recycling =-.
That is scary and it’s always those fearful and negative memories that scar us for life. My kids either stay with family or hired professionals. My daughter has special needs so she has a play therapist that comes to provide respite sometimes. Other than that, they are stuck with me 24/7.
.-= MommaDJane´s last blog ..Project We – New =-.
What a totally scary story. It’s amazing the things that we experience as a child that can leave SUCH a lasting impression on us. I don’t have an experience like that but I still lack a lot of trust. For that reason, we usually don’t go out. But now that my son is almost 4, if we do go out, we let him pick out of 2 of our friends, which one he feels the most comfortable with.
holy crap, that gave me chills. when i was little, we were near family, and i don’t have memories like this – but my kids are watched by one sitter. at 4 you remembered this. 4! jaysus.
.-= MommaKiss´s last blog ..WW What Is It =-.
I never let anyone but family watch my children. Never trusted anyone enough with my lives.
Sadly enough we don’t have a babysitter watch our children so hubby or I stay home when the other is out. We don’t have family close by and not all of our parent friends have the same values as us or keep as close a watch on their children so our last date out was May 2009. As they get older and can tell us what’s going on that will help, but I too get nervous about sitters and doubt we’d use someone other than a very close friend or family member. Sad that that happened when you were a kid, I’m sure your babysitter thought nothing of it. :/
.-= MommyB Knows Best´s last blog ..Verizon iPhone for Mom and Dad =-.
So we’ve never had non family babysitters, we are really lucky that my parents live five minutes away. Now I don’t know that I could. What did your parents do when they found out? Wow.
.-= AmyBlam´s last blog ..Since Kirk Cameron was right- here’s my resolutions =-.
OMG, reading about your brother crying you just made me so sad for poor little 4-yo you. Other than family and close friends, I have only had the 17yo girl across the street babysit when we’re not here. Her parents are great and I feel comfortable with her. Definately go with your gut.
.-= JulieBouf´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Electricity =-.
How scary that must’ve been for you, Tina! Fortunately we never had anything like that happen when we were little. When I get sitters, I usually start them out by using them when I’m staying at home, but just trying to get stuff done around the house w/o the kids in my hair….once we’re all comfortably, I’ll start leaving for short periods….and gradually increase from there. One sitter I had for the girls had her boyfriend stop by without asking me first. I’ve not had her back again, but they weren’t doing anything and no one else was there, and there was no alcohol involved. It’s hard. You just have to learn to trust. Get lots of references and check them.
.-= erin margolin´s last blog ..Do You Want to Be Average =-.
That’s horrible!
The things we carry with us through life…
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..Yes- its confidential! =-.
What a horrible, horrible experience! When my kids were little, we mostly swapped babysitting with our friends. We would go out one week and they’d watch our kids and theirs, the next week we’d switch. It was perfect. We rarely had money to pay a babysitter, but when we did, we got someone from church. I love that I have a teen who can watch the younger kids, and I don’t have to pay anybody!
.-= Lolli @ Better in Bulk´s last blog ..Introducing the Coffee Talk Community =-.
Horrifying. And why I only use people I know well and trust to babysit. I thought about using a neighborhood teenager, but thought the better of it. Glad I did!
.-= SarahButtonedUp´s last blog ..Getting Your Office Ready for the 2011 Tax Year with DYMO =-.
So chilling, Tina. My heart breaks for the younger you. Just thinking of my own children feeling that kind fear – well, it makes me ill. I’m sure your parents were horrified!
You did a wonderful job with this post.
.-= Missy @ Wonder, Friend´s last blog ..The Heart Test =-.
Oh my god, girl. This post makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I’m sorry you had to experience something like this at such a young age but THANK GOD the outcome wasn’t any worse than some stolen money.
I can’t imagine the stress of having to find a babysitter. I have a very good friend who struggles with this constantly and it’s the reason she hasn’t had a date night with her hubby in ages. But she’s (finally!) taking me up on the offer to babysit; I love her kids and she trusts me with them and my parents are a 5-minute drive from her house. I hope you are able to find a good, reliable babysitter, hun!
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..date 2 with matchcom date 1 =-.
OMG how scary!!!!! My boys are 8 and 3 and I’ve only ever left them with family. Our social life is totally sucky but I haven’t found anyone I’m comfortable leaving them with! I wish we had a great babysitter, one we could really trust our children with but as of yet, it hasn’t happened.
.-= Mommyfriend´s last blog ..5 Dreams for My Son =-.
How terrifying. I leave my daughter at daycare, of course, but as for regular babysitting? I have a hard time. I had been using the daughter of her former daycare provider, but last time I returned home, there was a boy over.
We haven’t gone out since.
As a dedicated babysitter, it is so painful to read those horror stories! I was a nanny this past summer for a family who didn’t have family close by, and I treated those little girls like I would my own sister. For me, caring for children is a calling, and it’s hard because teenagers get such a bad rap these days
Makes it hard for those of us who really LOVE childcare to find a job.
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