I feel like I am completely different from the person I was five years ago. At times I am not sure I can identify with her anymore.
That woman had no children, had nice full-time career, went out regularly with girlfriends for happy hour, had weekly date nights with her hubby, wore heels and dresses and had the luxury of doing what she wanted, when she wanted.
Now that I’m a mother, my life has changed.
I really love being a stay-at-home mom, it has been a true blessing for me. It has given me the time to be there for my boys when they needed me the most and I’ve had the privilege of watching them grow and learn every day.
But at times I feel like I’ve become less important to others, because I do not have a “traditional” out of the house job. I feel that I am judged or looked at differently, that what I do is not good enough.
Staying home is not an easy job and on several occasions I have locked myself in my room and cried. Cried because I have felt alone and questioned whether or not staying home is the right choice for me.
But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What gets me through each day is the random kisses and hugs that I receive, playing games and reading books together, having lunch dates and snuggle time. These are the moments that I would never trade.
This is the job that I chose and what works best for my family.
I work hard to manage my household, raise my boys and “work-at-home” to contribute financially to my family’s finances. For me, this is the best of both worlds.
Yes, I may be slightly different from that woman five years ago but I couldn’t be happier where I am today.
I’m “Pouring My Heart Out” with Shell from Things I Can’t Say.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, I went through a period like this about 10 years ago. My 2 oldest are teens now…and I went to a therapist.
She said I was the one who had to validate what I did, no one else.
She was right. I had to say it, “I am worth staying home, what I do is essential and important.”
It was me who had to publicly declare value to my role.
It’s hard, sweet lady, it’s hard.
SAHM/WAHM is one of the most important roles a woman can have, in MHO. We are shaping and molding the future of our country. I think about how much I loved my job, but I can always go back to work. A job will always be available (even if the economy is failing atm). What won’t be available again is this time in my child’s life.
I feel the exact same way. Its getting harder an harder to remember my working in the city corporate life but I definitely wouldn’t trade it for what I’ve got going on now.
.-= Kristin @Ellie-Town´s last blog ..Tiny Prints Gina Cristine Photography The Perfect Holiday Card =-.
I would trade places with you ANY day. Being a single mom – I’ve always had to work. I took a vacation day on Monday and getting to spend that extra time with my son and be the one to get my daughter on/off the bus – it really got to me and made me realize how much I wish I could stay home.
.-= Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog ..Size Matters =-.
I totally relate to this!
I think people who haven’t stayed home don’t realize how hard it is. I work as a nanny full-time, 4 days a week and that is the perfect compromise for me and my family right now. You just have to do what is right for you and your family and try not to worry about what others think or want.
I was a stay at home mom for two years after my first son was born. It is very hard work. I admire those who can. There are days when I wish I could, but the bills, oh the bills that must be paid.
.-= VandyJ´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.
I agree with Michelle – it is hard to see how much hard work being a stay at home mom if you’ve not been there yourself. I mean even the term “stay at home” mom has a funny ring to it — like all i do is ‘stay at home’ ya know? I LOVE being here with my kids – a decision my husband and i made before we had kids & sacrifice to make it possible. It’s funny though – i think we at times all want what the other has …. days i WISH i worked outside the house & i know mothers who do at times wish they could be home.
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Wayback- My First Dance Wedding Song =-.
Being a stay at home mom always seems like such an insanely difficult mom – whenever I talk to a woman who is staying at home I’m always just in awe. So don’t feel judged – you’re probably just admired!
Girl, I give you and all SAHM mad props!! I wish I could but it’s just not me. Nice that we have a choice, isn’t it?
So you probably got this…. but I meant job, not mom. The second mom, that is. The first and last time I did mean mom.
Clearly, I’m just not smart enough to comment on blogs.
Wait, did I write this post for you? Or maybe you’re my alter ego. I left a full-time career a few months ago to stay home with my two young boys. Like you I love being here for my kids, and it was the best decision for our family. But I do miss that feeling of being “important” in the outside world. I used to work at a NYC magazine…a crazy, high-profile job. Today, my biggest achievement might be to finish a puzzle with my four year old, or to fold 3 loads of laundry! =)
Stuff like this makes me so angry. I don’t understand why people have to make other people feel less important just because they are doing something the opposite of themselves. I don’t think you are any less of a person, any less important, or any less stressed, frustrated, busy, or tired just because you are a stay at home mom.
I also think the reverse is true. I can’t tell you how tired I get of hearing (especially around mother’s day) about how important mom’s are. The manner in which its said makes me feel like I am some how lower as a woman just because I don’t have kids. I think everyone has gifts, talents, and callings. Just because you are being called to stay at home with your kids doesn’t mean that what you are doing is any less important than some woman who is a VP in a company.
I don’t think I could be a full time stay at home mom. I think I would drive myself insane. I think women who can are amazing. Don’t let anyone make you feel like less of a person just because they do something else. Keep up the great work. You are doing a good thing!
I am right there with you! You are not alone. I know how you feel, though. I also have a life without pink!
My two boys keep me super busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way either. This time will be over before you know it and we’ll have lots of times for heels and dinner dates. 
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. Hope to see you again!
.-= Kelley´s last blog ..Small Talk- Got it down yet =-.
Amen, Sister! I feel the exact same way! Life has definitely changed and I have those days where I want to scream or cry or both, but I wouldn’t have it any other way than it is. Having the opportunity to be home and spend these crucial years of my kids’ lives with them everyday is a true blessing and a gift. I’m a new follower. Thanks!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out =-.
I hate feeling like I’m being judged for staying home with my kids. It is by far the hardest job I’ve ever done, and then throw homeschool on top if it! Forget about it! We are differnt than years passed, but I wouldn’t change it for anything!
So well said. It really is about what works for you and your family. There is nor right or wrong way to do it. I like Alexandra’s comment about having to find value in yourself instead of looking to others for it.
I feel the same way. I sometimes get embarrassed that “all I am” is a SAHM, but then I realize that at the end of th eday I’m making a huge difference in the lives of two very important little men and that I wouldn’t want it any other way. I miss my younger, more fashionable, sophisticated self, but right now I love my disheveled, drool ridden, snot wiping self.
.-= Mothers’ Hideaway´s last blog ..Giddyup! =-.
It’s sort of a double-edged sword… doing what you know is right for your family, but not get the respect you deserve from the outside world. I miss being home with my kids and would go back to it in a flash if I could! As long as you and your family know it’s best and can see the benefits in your children, who care about all the rest!?!?
I was a stay at home mom always and never for one day felt anything but pure joy in raising my children. It was a wonderful gift to be able to do so and I would not take back one moment with them. However, today many women must work and that is such a hard job to work and be a mom both. I guess there is no right or wrong way and each family works to do what they have to do to pay the bills… I will say that staying home with the kids is a very hard job!
.-= Weekend Cowgirl´s last blog ..“Moo Love” =-.
I too am a Stay at Home Mom. I think (and have to remind myself daily) that we SAHM’s are doing the most important job we will ever do. I try to slow down and savor it, because I know one day I will miss the crunch of the cheerios I step on as I run from room to room picking up toys. Locking ourselves in a room to cry is just part of the job, it is a release that we deserve. We wipe the tears and are entitled to shed a few ourselves
Lovely post Tina. I needed to hear it today. It is the toughest job in the world but also the most rewarding. xoxo
I am so happy to read this post from you, Tina. You have made all the right decisions for YOU and that’s all that matters. So what if some people don’t get it? They’re not living your life and, quite possibly, they’re unhappy about where they are and are projecting that on you. I could be wrong but I have found that to be the case very often.
I was at a baby shower yesterday for one of my best friends who is expecting twins in January. When her stepmom presented her with a double stroller and she beamed at joy/pride for the blessings they’ll soon have in the family, my heart melted and I got all teary-eyed. As they say: the grass is always greener. Don’t get me wrong: I am very content being single at this point in my life, but I long for that day when I am greeted by sloppy kisses and arms wrapped around my legs, too. The point is that we must never take any of it for granted.
You are such an amazing woman, Tina. What you teach your children and learn from them each and every day is an amazing gift. It is as important a job as any other as far as I’m concerned
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..Welcome SITS family! =-.
IT’s hard to be a SAHM when everyone else you know isn’t. Somehow I end up feeling like I’m being silently judged for taking the “easy” job and I know that my dh often feels like he’s pulling all the weight. It’s not fair, it’s not true and well, I know you rock a SAHM. And the truth is that these earl years are so precious and they are going to be over in the blink of an eye *sniffles*. I applaud your choice and from the looks of things, your family is thriving. Which means you, Mama, are doing one hell of a job!
Great post. There is definitly something that changes within us once we become a mama. We truly are different…and it took awhile for me to say “It’s ok”.
Some may look at you like you have 3 heads, but I envy you! I work outside the home and miss my daughter like crazy! We’re not expecting our second and I wish I could be at home to raise my children, but I do need to work full time to help support my family. You’re so lucky to be able to be with your kids! I’m glad you feel the same way.
Thank you for stopping by!