About two to three times a week we are hosting a play date or heading out to one.
You might think I am a little insane but in all reality it is the only way I can keep my boys from beating each other up or from me constantly hearing screaming and crying.
And sadly it is also the only time I get a little girl time which is probably the number one reason I make so many play dates.
Most of my friends have boys, so you can imagine what it is like when you have four to five boys together? Yeah, it is enough to make your head spin for days.
Boys are simply CRAZY! Jumping, wrestling, growling, screaming, spitting, farting….you get the picture.
Most times I can’t even enjoy a simple conversation because I have to keep getting up to pull one kid off the other.
One of the things I have learned though is that all kids play differently with each other.
Big A use to be a calm toddler then he hit three and broke out of his shell.
He is constantly running around pretending he is a super hero, makes me count to ten on a daily basis, always gives me his angry eyes and loves to waffle house {aka wrestle}.
Fortunately, he has learned which friends like to play rough and which ones don’t.
Some play dates are very calm and relaxing while others can be a bit taxing.
It is on these play dates I feel at times has put a strain on my friendships.
My son is not innocent at all {most times he antagonizes} and as much as I tell him that he is not allowed to wrestle or jump on furniture – the more he does it.
But he is four and that is what four year old boys do. He gets excited to see his friends and unfortunately that excitement leads to a crazed out child.
I know all kids go through phases in life.
There was a point when Big A was the calm one while other kids where the wild ones and you know what – I never let that get in the way of my friendships.
Why would I?
Yes it is a bit crazy when we all get together and yes I often leave feeling extremely burnt out.
But I have realized that this is where we are at in our lives. We are raising children and we all know that it isn’t easy. Yet I can’t help but feel that some play dates have definitely hurt the friendships that I value so much.
I love my friends’ children like they are my own and realize that they are only kids.
More importantly I realize that my friendships mean so much to me and without them I don’t know where I would be today.
I am saddened that some of them aren’t as strong as they use to be but I am extremely thankful that others have grown a lot deeper and stronger.
I just hope as our children grow, we can all grow with them.
Friendships aren’t always easy but the girlfriends I have in my life are definitely worth fighting for.
To my girlfriends {and you know who you are}, I love you all very much. You have changed my life for the better.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this post! It’s so true and just one more thing we need to learn to overcome as mommy’s and friends. Sometimes a handbook would be nice!
Twitter: singdwingangel
July 14, 2010 at 7:47 am
As a mom of 3 boys myself I can totally relate. Only no one else around me had boys my age. BUT I had a YARD with a tree lol.. Thankfully they loved the outdoors..
.-= Angel´s last blog ..WIMTS with Brittany and I the power outage version =-.
Twitter: JackieCross
July 14, 2010 at 8:12 am
So this is what I have to look forward to?? I have three girls who are a bit older (14, 10,
and a 5 month old son.
From watching my sister’s boys and having the girls there is such a huge difference between them at all ages! I’m just trying to figure out how my little man will be when he’s 2 or 3 especially with 3 sisters around!
.-= Jackie´s last blog ..The Chocolate Chip Cookie Experiment – Part 2 =-.
bailey is 3 and weve only been on 1 play date but i know both of us really enjoyed it he got to play with kids his age & i was able to have some female conversation with another adult.. so i guess in a way they are worth it
.-= brittney´s last blog ..LOI Dear stupid =-.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
July 14, 2010 at 8:47 am
I was just browsing this morning’s roll call at SITS and saw your blog title and decided to come have a look. Then I fell in and now I’m subscribing. Great blog!
.-= Rebekah C´s last blog ..Pictures- At the Fireworks- Things That Glow and a Jedi Master! =-.
Twitter: adventuroo
July 14, 2010 at 8:56 am
Dead on! I have two boys (although one isn’t at playing age yet). Our friends are a mix of boys and girls but it’s amazing how much different the boys play. My mom had three girls and so she sees our three year old and thinks he’s nuts! I told her it’s just boys and he has friends just like him to prove it.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Week in the Life- Tuesday =-.
I can totally relate. We have a great playgroup but there are days where everyone is fighting, whining, hitting, etc and it’s just so much.
But all of the moms are laid back and don’t judge. Every kid in the group has had their great days and their horrible ones and we just hope that next week will be better!
What a great post! I’ve felt this way, too- but, when I think about it, I realize that my friends’ kids’ behavior has never bothered me, so I shouldn’t stress about my kids as much, either. My problem is that I always have higher standards for myself and my kids than I do for someone else. I can easily brush off what someone else or someone else’s child does, but if it’s me or my kids, I stress.
Thanks for linking up!
.-= Shell´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out- A Bloggers Glass =-.
Twitter: ROemptyMommy
July 14, 2010 at 9:43 am
I WISH I had the same problem!! Lol I can’t get anyone to have a playdate with B. My one friend actually told me she doesn’t think a playdate will go well with Braxton because it will make her realize how terribly behaved her son is. HA!! She’s never seen Braxton run around like a maniac like her does on a daily basis-because the poor kid has NO-1 to play with
All of my other friends work or live far away. We need to start a south jersey play group. Great Post T!
.-= rebecca´s last blog ..Top Ten Reasons I Deserve the “Not Mom of the Year” Award =-.
Well put. It is sad to say, but I find myself connecting more with my playgroup friends than my personal friends.
I guess these may be my new friends.
.-= Heather @ Girl Gone Mom´s last blog ..Hayneedlecom Radio Flyer Ultimate Family Wagon ARV 160 Review & Giveaway =-.
I lost a friend b/c of boy behavior, about 10 years ago. She was a nice enough person, but had only girls. And she couldn’t handle us, so she dropped us like a lead balloon.
Oh, well…it really bummed me out at the time. My poor kids, I think I kinda secretly blamed them back then….
Twitter: gigi927
July 14, 2010 at 10:53 am
ha, I have a draft post that I’ve been working on about playdates and how much I don’t like them
hee hee.
however, since I have one of each, I let most things at playdates roll off my back and not let them get in the way of friendships. However, I did end one friendship in part because of the gal’s kid. He was just downright mean spirited and trying to bully my son and make him feel bad. My son finally said, “Mom, I just don’t want to play with that kid anymore.”
I couldn’t subject my kid to this kid anymore. I wish I could say that it was just the kid and not the parent, but the parent, while she was my friend, was not overly attentive to what her children were doing. We ended up drifting apart for many reasons, but I think it was the right thing in the end.
.-= GIGI927´s last blog ..on life and legos =-.
Twitter: complicatedmama
July 14, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Its so true— my 5yo son can run around like a mad man when we have playdates here…. and I have a center-hall stair case— SO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND they run (why didnt this occur to me when we was purchasing the house?)
But the friendships for both mom and kids are totally worth it. Some of my closest friends today are those who our kids have playdates together
Twitter: AwayWeGoNancy
July 14, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I can relate. When our kids were all babies, play dates were extended times to talk and commiserate and laugh. As they grew, it became a full-contact referee match.
Some of my friends with calmer (read: girl) children and I did grow apart a bit. I was tired of feeling like my kid was the “wild one” simply because he was acting like himself.
(I do keep a tight leash of him, but he is not going to sit and quietly color like some of his friends.
It’s hard, but we have evolved to evening pedicures and happy hours with some of my former playgroup friends. It just works for us.
I couldn’t have said it any better girl. This was perfect!
I always loved play dates because then I got grown-up friend time. Sigh! And boys are so warrior-like. One of my son’s friends is a huge army/GI Joe fan and can make actually bomb explosion sounds! However, I do love boy humor! Like fungus, it grows on you:)
.-= bluecottonmemory´s last blog ..Not Mom of the Year =-.
There are times when I’m so glad that I work so that I don’t have to do play dates. LOL
You’re right though…the play dates are good for the kids and you. I’m sorry they sometimes stress you out so much though. Boys are such a different animal than girls!
.-= Kmama´s last blog ..Week in Review- 7-10-10 =-.
Twitter: prendalestelle
July 14, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I wish I had more play dates! I need to get some friends with kids first though. And call them wine dates.
I’ve given you an award!
prendalestelle@live.com
Twitter: prendalestelle
July 14, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Why did I put my email? I don’t know. I need a nap.
prendalestelle.blogspot.com
I know exactly what you mean! I have a couple girlfriends who I am just so relaxed when we do playdates and I know that even if my son acts completely horrible, they will just take it with a grain of salt. Then I have those girls where I’m nervous and sweating the whole time I’m at their house because I’m worried that my little guy will get a crumb on the floor or talk too loud or worse. I really have the hardest time with the girls who aren’t laid back about stuff!!
Its funny how friendships change as our kids grow; there are pregnancy friends, new baby friends, toddler friends, friends with several kids – and how they each fit (or don’t) into our lives as time progresses. Yeah for the ones who stick and thank you for the good memories to the ones who don’t.
.-= sierra´s last blog ..Kid Logic =-.
Twitter: mommyneedsvaca
July 14, 2010 at 11:19 pm
I hear ya on the playdates for girly chit-chat time! Sometimes I get annoyed when we have somewhere to go b/c it is so hard to get out of the house but I am always so glad that I did!
.-= Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday- A photographer in the making…or not =-.
Ah yes, I remember those days. Must admit I was alot more diligent about the playdates with the first two. Now the fourth gets sent to people’s home and he can play with the kid there.
You’re like a…fricken Saint or something!
http://www.absolutelynarcissism.blogspot.com
The best thing about playdates is that they are totally beat afterwards and go to bed early! Yay!!! Mommy time!
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
.-= Alex aka ma whats for dinner´s last blog ..MMMashed Potatoes =-.
I honestly can say that some of my friend’s kids are wild and can tear up the place and it has annoyed me, but I have never let it get in the way of our friendship. I agree with sierra. As parents our friends change along the way. The ones that stick with you whatever stage are the real ones. Hang in there.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out- Venom =-.
I am just starting out with this mom thing (Little Man is only 18 months old). But I hope we aren’t going to be judged on every phase he goes through. Thanks for the post. It’s a learning experience.
I have 2 categories of friends……those who I play date and those who I go on girl evenings with. And the twain shall never mix (with a few exceptions).
Twitter: Mommyfriend
July 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Oh, I so agree (I mean obviously, we are the same person and all, lol). I would be nothing without my girlfriends. They are my gauge, they keep me grounded, they tell me when I’m wrong. As for playdates, they really are enough to keep your head spinning. I’m thinking these wild playdates are the makings of future beautiful bromances.
I LOVE this blog title!!! And I feel your pain and pink withdrawls : (
3 boys here! 5 yr old Twins and my 1 year old, last try for pink; which turned out Camo!
People who don’t have boys do not understand the chaos of day to day life with 3 wanna-be hitmen!
Loved the post!
Signed,
Your newest follower
Twitter: MyPixieBlog
July 19, 2010 at 9:58 am
This was a really touching post. I can only imagine how much of a strain these kinds of things can put on friendships and relationships outside the home, but it’s important to feel wanted, accepted, and appreciated with the people you spend time with. I am happy that you seem to have a strong network of very supportive–and understanding–friends.
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..new decade- new me =-.
I completely agree. I have had this experience a LOT lately w/ my 4yo son, too, and it’s very stressful. It’s gotten to the point where I wonder if we should just stay home & let the boys beat on each other since at least that’s less stressful than them beating on OTHER peoples’ kids. I found you through Twitter, BTW. I’ll be back!