Guest Post: Putting Me On The “Important List”

by Tina @ Life Without Pink on June 16, 2010

{We couldn’t leave any further from each other but Devan from Accustomed Chaos and I hit it off from the first time we started to chat on Twitter. She has become a fast friend of mine and I respect her so much.  She is such a warm and caring person and you can tell that right from her posts. If you haven’t checked her blog out, you must!}.

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I have always wanted to be a mother. I still have my yearbook from Kindergarten where the question “what do you want to be when you grow up” was asked and proudly beside my name it says “my mom”.  I knew that I was meant to do this and I am very lucky to be able to achieve my dream.

I was prepared for the sleepless nights, the crying baby, no routines, different parenting views – all that. What I didn’t know back in the naive years of kindergarten was the mommy guilt that was going to plague me for the first 3 years of motherhood.

For me the biggest source of mommy guilt was taking time for myself. If I ever thought about needing a break or doing something for me i felt a huge wave of selfish guilt.  Other moms can do it all without a break so why cant i?  As a stay at home mom I was with the kids all day – every day.  I had 3 kids in 4 years and found the busier i got with them the more disconnected i became with myself and my marriage.  I was unhappy, full of guilt and needed to do something!

A big issue I had was that in this house there is no where that is “mine”.  My kids have their room, my husband has the basement and I have this small desk in my room for make up that had to be packed away when Baby E came into the world.  I felt neglected {by myself} and I certainly was not putting myself on the ‘important’ meter.

I had a long conversation with my mom. She understands what my life is like because she had 4 kids in 5 years and somehow managed to stay sane and happy in her marriage. So, I went to her for advice and had another conversation with my husband. He knew I wasn’t happy – he knew something needed to be different.  My mom suggested finding something that I was passionate about – that has nothing to do with the kids, nothing to do with my husband – everything to do with what I love.   I needed another purpose and a different outlet to feed my brain.  My husband agreed and supported this 100%.

That is when I discovered blogging and freelance writing. Here was my space that was just for me – my little spot in the world and my life where i had control of it all. I still had the guilt over my head because I was sitting on the computer and writing to the world – no monetary gain and completely selfish.  With the support of my husband and my mom I made sure i took the time to do this for myself for at least an hour a day.  I made the time when the kids were eating their snack or when i was breastfeeding my youngest or holding her during nap time.

What I found that the more i got used to putting myself on the “important meter” the happier I started to be.  I had found something that had been missing for 3 years – I discovered myself and my happiness.  My kids got a mom who felt fulfilled and not bogged down by unproductive mommy guilt. My husband had his wife back who had a passion and more balance.

I am so grateful for letting go of that mommy guilt.  Just because I am a stay at home mom doesn’t mean my needs are not important and certainly doesn’t mean i should feel guilty for ME time.

:: What do you do to take time out for yourself? ::

Meet Tina @ Life Without Pink


I'm Tina, a wife and mother of two very active little boys. I'm the Co-founder of Girls' Lunch Out {GLO}, a marketing company that hosts networking events for women in social media. I'm also part of the BabyCenter social media team and the 2013 Family Expert for P&G's Have You Tried This Yet? Trend Trio.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 harmskills June 16, 2010 at 8:09 pm

every weekend I do something by myself. pedicure, the mall, lunch with friends, or just go to Starbucks, and use the internet (which will be free starting July 1) and work on my blog!
.-= harmskills´s last blog ..Lucky 13 =-.

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2 Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life June 17, 2010 at 1:15 am

I try to take time for myself, and honestly I need to do it a bit more. I love blogging also, it frees my mind and reminds me to think about positive aspects of my life. I love how my blog is my space also, and how I want it. I think there is a great group of Mommy bloggers, and I find a lot of positive, kind hearted people with in them. The other thing I do is taking photos, I love to do this, it makes me happy. The things I would like to do pedicures, take a nap, hang out with some friends over coffee or a drink…working on these. The mommy guilt, I wish I could say I never guilty, but I can say it is rare… I try to make decisions and live in the moment. I am trying my best, and that is all any Mom can do. Thanks Devan for a great post!!

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3 Hear Mum Roar June 17, 2010 at 1:16 am

I don’t get a lot of me time, but I do agree it’s important to. One thing I do love, is if I’m really desperate for some space, or stressed, my partner will always ask me what I’d like to do and take the kids while I have a bubble bath, or whatever else I need to recharge my batteries
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Flowers are red =-.

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4 corine -Complicated mama June 17, 2010 at 8:25 am

Love seeing you both on here together!

2 of my faves.

I try to get out of the house at least once a month with some girl friends. *try* being the keyword there. Its not easy… and yes the Mommy Guilt is always a constant battle for me.

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5 Mungee's Ma June 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm

I am trying to shed the guilt and get out more. Thanks for the reminder of how important it is!

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