Guest Post: Putting Me On The “Important List”

{We couldn’t leave any further from each other but Devan from Accustomed Chaos and I hit it off from the first time we started to chat on Twitter. She has become a fast friend of mine and I respect her so much.  She is such a warm and caring person and you can tell that right from her posts. If you haven’t checked her blog out, you must!}.

*****************************************************************************************************

I have always wanted to be a mother. I still have my yearbook from Kindergarten where the question “what do you want to be when you grow up” was asked and proudly beside my name it says “my mom”.  I knew that I was meant to do this and I am very lucky to be able to achieve my dream.

I was prepared for the sleepless nights, the crying baby, no routines, different parenting views – all that. What I didn’t know back in the naive years of kindergarten was the mommy guilt that was going to plague me for the first 3 years of motherhood.

For me the biggest source of mommy guilt was taking time for myself. If I ever thought about needing a break or doing something for me i felt a huge wave of selfish guilt.  Other moms can do it all without a break so why cant i?  As a stay at home mom I was with the kids all day – every day.  I had 3 kids in 4 years and found the busier i got with them the more disconnected i became with myself and my marriage.  I was unhappy, full of guilt and needed to do something!

A big issue I had was that in this house there is no where that is “mine”.  My kids have their room, my husband has the basement and I have this small desk in my room for make up that had to be packed away when Baby E came into the world.  I felt neglected {by myself} and I certainly was not putting myself on the ‘important’ meter.

I had a long conversation with my mom. She understands what my life is like because she had 4 kids in 5 years and somehow managed to stay sane and happy in her marriage. So, I went to her for advice and had another conversation with my husband. He knew I wasn’t happy – he knew something needed to be different.  My mom suggested finding something that I was passionate about – that has nothing to do with the kids, nothing to do with my husband – everything to do with what I love.   I needed another purpose and a different outlet to feed my brain.  My husband agreed and supported this 100%.

That is when I discovered blogging and freelance writing. Here was my space that was just for me – my little spot in the world and my life where i had control of it all. I still had the guilt over my head because I was sitting on the computer and writing to the world – no monetary gain and completely selfish.  With the support of my husband and my mom I made sure i took the time to do this for myself for at least an hour a day.  I made the time when the kids were eating their snack or when i was breastfeeding my youngest or holding her during nap time.

What I found that the more i got used to putting myself on the “important meter” the happier I started to be.  I had found something that had been missing for 3 years – I discovered myself and my happiness.  My kids got a mom who felt fulfilled and not bogged down by unproductive mommy guilt. My husband had his wife back who had a passion and more balance.

I am so grateful for letting go of that mommy guilt.  Just because I am a stay at home mom doesn’t mean my needs are not important and certainly doesn’t mean i should feel guilty for ME time.

:: What do you do to take time out for yourself? ::

Meet Tina @ Life Without Pink


2013 Family Expert for P&G's Have You Tried This Yet? Trend Trio, Tina is a mom of two active boys and the founder of Life Without Pink, a personal lifestyle blog focused on parenting, and raising boys to give other parents inspiration. You’ll find everything from cool gadgets, daily adventures, to personal stories and tips for raising boys. She's also the co-founder of Girls' Lunch Out {GLO}, a social media network that hosts events for women in social media and the Influencer Strategist for Socialstars by Crowdtap.

Comments

  1. says

    every weekend I do something by myself. pedicure, the mall, lunch with friends, or just go to Starbucks, and use the internet (which will be free starting July 1) and work on my blog!
    .-= harmskills´s last blog ..Lucky 13 =-.

  2. says

    I try to take time for myself, and honestly I need to do it a bit more. I love blogging also, it frees my mind and reminds me to think about positive aspects of my life. I love how my blog is my space also, and how I want it. I think there is a great group of Mommy bloggers, and I find a lot of positive, kind hearted people with in them. The other thing I do is taking photos, I love to do this, it makes me happy. The things I would like to do pedicures, take a nap, hang out with some friends over coffee or a drink…working on these. The mommy guilt, I wish I could say I never guilty, but I can say it is rare… I try to make decisions and live in the moment. I am trying my best, and that is all any Mom can do. Thanks Devan for a great post!!

  3. says

    I don’t get a lot of me time, but I do agree it’s important to. One thing I do love, is if I’m really desperate for some space, or stressed, my partner will always ask me what I’d like to do and take the kids while I have a bubble bath, or whatever else I need to recharge my batteries
    .-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Flowers are red =-.

  4. says

    Love seeing you both on here together!

    2 of my faves.

    I try to get out of the house at least once a month with some girl friends. *try* being the keyword there. Its not easy… and yes the Mommy Guilt is always a constant battle for me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge