Getting The Mojo Back In Marriage

by Tina @ Life Without Pink on June 2, 2010

My hubby and I have hit that point in our relationship where we realized we are not making enough time for “us”. Like every other married couple it seems that our work, family and every day responsibilities come first and at the end of the day there isn’t much energy left for focusing on our relationship.

I don’t know one married couple that still has the same spark they did when they got married.  But if you think about it….it’s not really the spark that matters but rather the flame that keeps burning.

The spark is the beginning and ultimately what draws two people together.

I met my hubby when I was seventeen years old. I remember the first time I saw him I had such butterflies in my stomach.

He was a little older than me and it took a little coaxing on his part {he is going to hate me for saying that} but I finally went out with him.  And let me tell you – I knew from our first date that this was the person I was going to spend my life with.

I know that sounds cliche but it is the truth. I have never felt so happy and safe in my life and he took such good care of me from day one.

Pre-kids we had such a blast together; going on trips, hanging out with friends, eating out, enjoying the night life, etc. and even to this day when he walks in the door from work I get excited to see him.

Granted its not always blissful – some days he is in a bad mood or the kids are screaming or I am stressed out and look like I was just beat up….but underneath the messy hair, bags under my eyes and stained clothes my heart always skips a beat when I see him.

A few weeks ago we started snapping at each other a lot and we both were really stressed out. We spent a few nights {after the kids were in bed} at opposite sides of the house doing our own thing and not spending much time together.

I noticed it and it bothered the hell out of me.  I thought what is happening to our relationship? Is this what it feels like when two people drift apart? How can I get the mojo back and fast?

I am so thankful that my hubby noticed it as well and approached me about it. We had a long talk and found out that we were both having the same feelings {isn’t open communication such a wonderful thing?!}.

It bothered and even saddened us a bit, but we made a pack to put our relationship first. Not only for our sake but for our family.

A few things we decided to help get our MOJO back;

1. At least once a month have date night. Since my parents are the only ones that babysit our boys {thank you mom and dad we love you} we often feel guilty asking them week after week to help us out. But once a month shouldn’t be that hard to line up sitters.  It will be great for us to get out without the kids and a perfect time for the kids to be spoiled by Mom Mom and Poppy – not that they already don’t do this.

2. Spend time at night.  I realized that I started sneaking off to the computer at night to catch up on blogging and my hubby would sit out in the living room all by himself. I wanted to be out there with him but nights are the only time I have to write posts, visit blogs and stay active in the community.  It really got overwhelming and I have decided to pick 2 – 3 nights a week to dedicate to blogging. The rest of the nights are going to be spent with my hubby either watching a movie, have a few cocktails out back on our patio or just talking and catching up.

3. Set aside a family night. We all know that weekends in the summer can be a bit crazy but I am going to try and make one day dedicated as our family day.  This would be a day that we spend with just us and the boys. Maybe we do a day trip, have fun outside splashing in our pool or play a few games and have movie night.  Even though it won’t be alone time I think it is important to spend time as a family because ultimately that will make our bond not only as husband and wife but as mom and dad stronger.

They say that your marriage should come first because it is the foundation that your family is built on.  It’s definitely hard work, but isn’t everything?

After being together for fifteen years and married for almost seven – we are still learning how to be creative and never let our flame die.

I would love to hear how you keep the mojo flowing in your relationship?

**Update: If you are stuck for ideas, check out Wonder Woman Wannabe’s weekly date night ideas!

To read more lady’s pouring their hearts out stop on over at Things I Can’t Say!

BTW you will be seeing some design changes going on with my blog the next week or two.  I’m a little indecisive but hopefully it will be done soon!

Meet Tina @ Life Without Pink


I'm Tina, a wife and mother of two very active little boys. I'm the Co-founder of Girls' Lunch Out {GLO}, a marketing company that hosts networking events for women in social media. I'm also part of the BabyCenter social media team and the 2013 Family Expert for P&G's Have You Tried This Yet? Trend Trio.

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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Suzanne June 2, 2010 at 7:39 am

I think you’ve said it all. We all know that when mommy AND daddy aren’t happy neither are the kids! Our spouses need to be a top priority, no matter what you choose to do, do it together! (I’m trying to convince Husband to do a DIY project with me!!)

15 years on June 10th…and counting! :)
.-= Suzanne´s last blog ..Being A Good Mommy Blogger =-.

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2 Life Without Pink June 2, 2010 at 7:46 am

Yay congrats to you! Yeah it is hard work but so worth it :)

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3 The Mommyologist June 2, 2010 at 8:34 am

I can really relate to this because my marriage mojo is gone too. And it has been for a LONG time. We still have a great time together and have this great friendship going on, but the romance department? Totally lacking. I know my hubby loves me, but sometimes I just don’t think he is “into” me anymore. I think that is just part of the whole marriage and kids deal. We probably do need to make more of an effort though!
.-= The Mommyologist´s last blog ..June Mom Sexy Blogger of the Month =-.

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4 Tiffany June 2, 2010 at 8:43 am

Wow! I didn’t write a PYHO this week and I was thinking about what could possibly be tugging at my heart. The one thing that came to mind was my marriage and how lately it just didn’t seem ‘right’. Then I read your post, I firmly believe in fate, I know that I was supposed to read this. I could have said many of the same things just now. I have been thinking the same thing, that my husband and I need some alone time once a month. That we need to dedicate a day to our family and that we really need to stay focused on a strong foundation. Thank you for writing this and reaffirming my thoughts that I need to continue to achieve these goals. Let me know how it goes for you.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Post It: Stick to the List =-.

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5 heidi @ wonder woman wannabe June 2, 2010 at 8:50 am

Good for you!

I’ve been coming to the same conclusions in regards to blogging – I also have some ‘blog free’ nights as well.

If you ever need any date ideas, come on over to visit at Wonder Woman Wannabe – I’ve been sharing a new novel dating idea every Friday. I’ve been working towards a years worth of ideas and when I meet my goal at the end of the summer I’ll host an awesome give-away!!
.-= heidi @ wonder woman wannabe´s last blog ..Monday Musings :: mothers =-.

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6 Shell June 2, 2010 at 9:22 am

Dh and I definitely always need to be working on our marriage. We know how easy it is to take each other for granted. We spend “fake time” together- I’m on one end of the couch on the computer and he’s on the other, watching a show.

But, it’s not really time together.

We’re working on it, though!

Thanks for linking up!

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7 Kisma June 2, 2010 at 9:35 am

Married my high school sweet heart and two years ago we were at divorces door. We made it through though with intense counseling and learning to communicate better. I think many people give up to easily when things in a marriage become hard. It is work and anyone who thinks otherwise, shouldn’t get married.

All of your ideas are awesome! My hubby and I have a date night twice a month, (our kids are older and can watch themselves, sorta;-) and we put family and our relationship first.

What a difference it has made.

We leave for a cruise to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on Friday without the kids ( god bless my in laws who are taking our kids ) and we are so looking forward to the time where it is just us” for a while.

Keep up the communication and remember the little things matter.
.-= Kisma´s last blog ..Post It Note Tuesday =-.

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8 Nolie June 2, 2010 at 9:39 am

Wonderful post. I would love date nights but don’t know how to find a sitter. We don’t set aside nights to spend together unless it’s when a new season of a show we both watch is on. However if either one of us says “can we hang out” the other obliges.
.-= Nolie´s last blog ..Starbucks/Tim Horton’s Giveaway =-.

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9 Tracey June 2, 2010 at 10:11 am

Every couple goes through this! It is so normal. I am reading the book Love & War by John and Stasi Elredge which is helping tons! In fact, I am doing a series on the book on my blog. I am even going to do a giveaway of the book!

Also, hubby and I try to do date night at home on Friday nights, that way we don’t have to find a sitter. We just plan something that we can do together where we can focus on each other. Playing a game, cooking together, etc.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Wilton Giant Cupcake Pan Review and Giveaway! =-.

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10 Dad / POPPY June 2, 2010 at 10:48 am

Your story is a common one that we have all either gone through or will go through,the positive thing is that you ‘ve reconized the problems early enough to fix it.you mom & I gave all the attention to you 3 kids & left little for each other.We ran from one sport to another & all sorts of events that came up. As parents you should sacrifice alot for your kids but you must keep in mind it can’t be at the expense of you married relationship or everyone will lose out.Admitting there is a problem is the 1st big step in the right direction. as far as mommy & me baby sitting I don’t consider it babysitting I like to think of it as spending QUALITY time spent with our Grandsons and you shouldn’t hesitate to ask also not get to upset if we hanve previous plans which we have changed many times–it gets harder as they get older & before you know it they’re out on thier own {well could be ha } & you look at each other and wonder where did our life together go?? & you must start over ,to many of our friends have split after the kids moved out , it’s scary so do what you can now to prepare for the future that will be there before you know it–GREAT STORY & remember life is delayed gratification–{ what you do now you’ll benefit from it later} love DAD

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11 erica June 2, 2010 at 11:12 am

Great post! And I think it is so true for every couple… even those of us who haven’t been together as long as you and your hubby.

Me and the Hubs need a date night… bady!

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12 VandyJ June 2, 2010 at 11:27 am

My hubby and I have worked hard at keeping us us and not just mommy and daddy. Although it is hard to get out without our boys, we enjoy the time we get. Remembering to be grownups means a lot. Have fun on your date nights!
.-= VandyJ´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out-Summer =-.

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13 Jeannie June 2, 2010 at 11:49 am

The huz and I have this conversation every once in awhile. We really do try to make time for us, but lately we have been slacking again. Thanks for reminding me.
.-= Jeannie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday…..Pour Your Heart Out =-.

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14 Devan @ Accustomed Chaos June 2, 2010 at 12:29 pm

HA! I just posted about this yesterday – looking for tips so this came at the perfect time for me :D

Thanks ♥
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Wordless: Beautiful Breastfeeding =-.

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15 Tylaine June 2, 2010 at 12:34 pm

I’ve heard it said that the best gift you can give your kids is to have a healthly happy relationship with your spouse. We sooo need to do some of these things because our flame is certainly not getting the attention it deserves. Thanks for this post! :)
Hope things go well for you too! :)
.-= Tylaine´s last blog ..Channellock giveaway @ Tammy’sTwoCents =-.

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16 Joanne @ Barely Domestic Mama June 2, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Those are great tips! It is great that you and your hubby both recognized the problem and both want to work on it. I would imagine that makes things a lot easier to get everything back on track.

BTW – I also love that your dad commented on this post. Now that is truly supportive. :)
.-= Joanne @ Barely Domestic Mama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Getting His Bowling On! =-.

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17 Jessica June 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I think you’re right that every relationship (not just marriage) goes through this at some point(s). It’s hard for anyone to not get wrapped up in all that they do – I know that I do!

I have done the same thing that you guys have. I’ve set designated times/nights in which I WILL work and do the stuff that I HAVE to get done to continue my business. However, family always comes first and no matter what, I will drop things and run if I need to!

I love that you guys can talk about these things just as Dearest and I can! It sure puts your mind to rest at times when you need it.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..I should have struggled when I had the chance. =-.

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18 purseblogger June 2, 2010 at 8:08 pm

Those are great ideas! My hubby and I need to have a date night once a month at least. I find that we do our own thing after the kids are in bed too. We need to do better at spending time together. :)

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19 Kerri June 2, 2010 at 9:12 pm

I think you and I are on the same page in our lives. My husband and I just talked about these exact same things, I mean EXACT!

We are implementing these same things. I hope they work. I’m excited to start.
.-= Kerri´s last blog ..1995 =-.

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20 cara mamma June 2, 2010 at 10:04 pm

A colleague gave me a book when I got re-married, “101 Nights of Great Romance” by Laura Corn. It is a book of date nights- it is alot of fun:
http://www.amazon.com/101-Nights-Grrreat-Romance-Seductions/dp/0962962821
.-= cara mamma´s last blog ..Suzuki Buying Guide =-.

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21 Coma Girl June 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Great ideas. It is VERY difficult as a mom/blogger to choose between our hubbys and writing at night.

We love date nights and we have an awesome baby-sitter, so we have them usually once a week. Even if it’s Applebees 2 for $20, it’s still nice to get out alone.
.-= Coma Girl´s last blog ..Mommy Management Monday – The Board =-.

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22 Jayme June 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm

We haven’t been out without kids since the twins were in the NICU and the girls were staying with family- and the only places we went was to the NICU that is over an hour away from our house…
BUT we do some little things, like hold hands a lot (even if it’s just when we’re driving in the car)
We also do just about everything possible together as a family- like getting groceries or an oil change.
.-= Jayme´s last blog ..Tuesday?! Woah. Random Tuesday Thoughts Coming Right Up! =-.

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23 Amber June 3, 2010 at 12:41 am

Man, I wish my husband and I could go out on a date. But we have no childcare. Still, we do try to spend time together at night when we can. He works the night shift so he’s gone a lot–but when he’s home, we try to make time to talk.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..When Tom Leaves…. =-.

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24 small burst June 3, 2010 at 7:51 am

I think having date night is important and having time alone with each other even if it’s brief, keeps you connected.

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25 Ellie-Town Mama June 3, 2010 at 8:38 am

This has been happening with us lately, too, and I blame sports. ;) I’m sick of watching the latest play off game so we have been the couple who sits in front of different tv’s lately.

Thanks for this post, I can’t tell you the last time we had a date night and once a month is an easy goal to shoot for.
.-= Ellie-Town Mama´s last blog ..Arizona Ellie-isms =-.

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26 Hear Mum Roar June 3, 2010 at 10:43 pm

“it’s not really the spark that matters but rather the flame that keeps burning.”

That’s pretty much how my partner and I feel about this. Nicely put.
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..New toy from Mattel – Peek a Boo clock =-.

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27 erin June 3, 2010 at 11:47 pm

I can relate to this as well and definitely need to put forth more effort. I spend entirely too much time on the computer and hubs and I have different taste in tv shows (not that that is an excuse). We also need to turn off the tv and computer more and just sit and talk to one another…..great post!
.-= erin´s last blog ..Does Britney Spears Need New Backup Singers? I’ve Got Some Hopefuls…. =-.

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28 Ashley @ Just Another Mom of 2 June 4, 2010 at 10:49 am

Girl, I think we all get there, especially with young kids! The hubby and I try to have date nights on the weekend after the kids go to bed- we’ll watch a movie together, play a video game, have a late night candlelit dinner- whatever mood we’re in. We’ll go outside and have some drinks, play a board game, whatever. It really helps!!
.-= Ashley @ Just Another Mom of 2´s last blog ..Aloha Friday: Summer Festivals/Fairs =-.

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29 Raising 2 Boys 1 Day at a Time June 6, 2010 at 8:45 pm

It was great to read your post tonight because I feel like we are going through the same. I’m so exhausted every day and feel like I have no extra energy to give to our marriage. I work full time, own a small side business, have two boys, a dog, a house, laundry, blogging and a million other things. But so does everyone else. I’m not an exception to the rule and while I hate to hear that others go through these times in their marriage it’s comforting to know we are not alone and reassuring to know there is hope. I’m going to try the things you mention above as well and start putting my marriage first. Thanks!!

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30 Jenn Sampson June 6, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Oh! You are so right on! My husband and I are going through this too. These are great ideas and really do help you reconnect. In addition to spending more time together, I have also decided to do some things for myself to get back in touch with me and get my spark back too. I think it is important and my husband has mentioned a time or too that I have started to act like my old self again; more playful, feel/look more sexy. What I did was join these awesome calls on Friday mornings called Girls Just Wanna Have Fun hosted by Sherri Nickols at http://unleashyourself.com. I also took her teleplayshop called How to Find and Own Your Playful Sexy Self! Sherri has lots of ideas and tips to get that spark back in your life and your relationship. Check her out! It is definitely worth it!

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31 Katie June 7, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Yay! I’m so glad you are investing in your marriage! Blessings to you both!

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32 Wendy Hagen June 11, 2010 at 12:37 am

My husband and I are very intentional about spending time together at home after the kids go to bed.
I think you might like this blog post I did on marriage.
http://hagenhoopla.blogspot.com/2010/05/im-not-in-love-with-you-anymore.html
.-= Wendy Hagen´s last blog ..Hollywood Days – Mario Lopez & Friends =-.

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33 Fruitfulvine2 October 14, 2010 at 8:11 am

I love this post. I wish every couple would take the time to talk early on when they notice the drifting signs. Your ideas to put the mojo back are excellent. Continue working at your marriage. It is the most important relationship we have after God. Blessings.
.-= Fruitfulvine2´s last blog ..Help Me Choose A Cover =-.

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34 Crystal Lien October 14, 2010 at 9:54 am

Great post- I have 4 kids, and the energy, and frankly desire, is gone by the time they are all tucked into bed. Whew! It is a LOT of work.

Crystal
http://survivingandthrivinginmom-dom.blogspot.com

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35 Young Wife October 14, 2010 at 10:57 am

Thanks for sharing your story! DH and I don’t have kids, but we do have limitations due to our health. I’m always looking for ideas like these.

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36 Betsy B.Honest October 14, 2010 at 11:32 am

Yeah, been there. Sigh.
.-= Betsy B.Honest´s last blog ..Bread- Roses- and a side of Guilt =-.

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37 Lindsay October 14, 2010 at 1:04 pm

Love this post – thanks! I am so lucky to have such a patient and communicative hubby. Talking helps us stay connected and I agree that you have to make time for this. I have noticed that as my kids are getting a little older, things are getting easier. I am little less stressed and spread thin. Basically, my mantra for life and kids and marriage …. “This to shall pass.”
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..Yummy Yogavive Chips Review and Giveaway =-.

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38 Aruna - Young Yoga Masters October 14, 2010 at 1:45 pm

I don’t have kids and we still have to make the connection work. We try to eat dinner together to have a chance to check in. And we have to be sure that whatever the other person is feeling, we don’t correct them or tell them they should feel another way! That’s a sure fire romance killer.

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39 Michelle October 14, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Great post. It is so easy to get busy and drift apart. Hubby and I try to stay focused on making our marriage our #1 priority and keeping it strong. It is hard work but definitely worth it.

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40 Liza October 14, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Having a four-month old, we’re kind of in this spot. Thankfully, like your husband, mine brought it up the other day, too. We’re in the same boat with the one set of grandparents being our only babysitters, so once a month sounds doable. Thanks for this post and making me feel not so alone!

Happy SITS Day!
.-= Liza´s last blog ..Hazards of Having Children 1 =-.

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41 Tiffany October 15, 2010 at 8:53 am

These are great tips and definitely what we strive for!!

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