Getting The Mojo Back In Marriage

My hubby and I have hit that point in our relationship where we realized we are not making enough time for “us”. Like every other married couple it seems that our work, family and every day responsibilities come first and at the end of the day there isn’t much energy left for focusing on our relationship.

I don’t know one married couple that still has the same spark they did when they got married.  But if you think about it….it’s not really the spark that matters but rather the flame that keeps burning.

The spark is the beginning and ultimately what draws two people together.

I met my hubby when I was seventeen years old. I remember the first time I saw him I had such butterflies in my stomach.

He was a little older than me and it took a little coaxing on his part {he is going to hate me for saying that} but I finally went out with him.  And let me tell you – I knew from our first date that this was the person I was going to spend my life with.

I know that sounds cliche but it is the truth. I have never felt so happy and safe in my life and he took such good care of me from day one.

Pre-kids we had such a blast together; going on trips, hanging out with friends, eating out, enjoying the night life, etc. and even to this day when he walks in the door from work I get excited to see him.

Granted its not always blissful – some days he is in a bad mood or the kids are screaming or I am stressed out and look like I was just beat up….but underneath the messy hair, bags under my eyes and stained clothes my heart always skips a beat when I see him.

A few weeks ago we started snapping at each other a lot and we both were really stressed out. We spent a few nights {after the kids were in bed} at opposite sides of the house doing our own thing and not spending much time together.

I noticed it and it bothered the hell out of me.  I thought what is happening to our relationship? Is this what it feels like when two people drift apart? How can I get the mojo back and fast?

I am so thankful that my hubby noticed it as well and approached me about it. We had a long talk and found out that we were both having the same feelings {isn’t open communication such a wonderful thing?!}.

It bothered and even saddened us a bit, but we made a pack to put our relationship first. Not only for our sake but for our family.

A few things we decided to help get our MOJO back;

1. At least once a month have date night. Since my parents are the only ones that babysit our boys {thank you mom and dad we love you} we often feel guilty asking them week after week to help us out. But once a month shouldn’t be that hard to line up sitters.  It will be great for us to get out without the kids and a perfect time for the kids to be spoiled by Mom Mom and Poppy – not that they already don’t do this.

2. Spend time at night.  I realized that I started sneaking off to the computer at night to catch up on blogging and my hubby would sit out in the living room all by himself. I wanted to be out there with him but nights are the only time I have to write posts, visit blogs and stay active in the community.  It really got overwhelming and I have decided to pick 2 – 3 nights a week to dedicate to blogging. The rest of the nights are going to be spent with my hubby either watching a movie, have a few cocktails out back on our patio or just talking and catching up.

3. Set aside a family night. We all know that weekends in the summer can be a bit crazy but I am going to try and make one day dedicated as our family day.  This would be a day that we spend with just us and the boys. Maybe we do a day trip, have fun outside splashing in our pool or play a few games and have movie night.  Even though it won’t be alone time I think it is important to spend time as a family because ultimately that will make our bond not only as husband and wife but as mom and dad stronger.

They say that your marriage should come first because it is the foundation that your family is built on.  It’s definitely hard work, but isn’t everything?

After being together for fifteen years and married for almost seven – we are still learning how to be creative and never let our flame die.

I would love to hear how you keep the mojo flowing in your relationship?

**Update: If you are stuck for ideas, check out Wonder Woman Wannabe’s weekly date night ideas!

To read more lady’s pouring their hearts out stop on over at Things I Can’t Say!

BTW you will be seeing some design changes going on with my blog the next week or two.  I’m a little indecisive but hopefully it will be done soon!

Meet Tina @ Life Without Pink


2013 Family Expert for P&G's Have You Tried This Yet? Trend Trio, Tina is a mom of two active boys and the founder of Life Without Pink, a personal lifestyle blog focused on parenting, and raising boys to give other parents inspiration. You’ll find everything from cool gadgets, daily adventures, to personal stories and tips for raising boys. She's also the co-founder of Girls' Lunch Out {GLO}, a social media network that hosts events for women in social media and the Influencer Strategist for Socialstars by Crowdtap.

Comments

  1. says

    I think you’ve said it all. We all know that when mommy AND daddy aren’t happy neither are the kids! Our spouses need to be a top priority, no matter what you choose to do, do it together! (I’m trying to convince Husband to do a DIY project with me!!)

    15 years on June 10th…and counting! :)
    .-= Suzanne´s last blog ..Being A Good Mommy Blogger =-.

  2. says

    I can really relate to this because my marriage mojo is gone too. And it has been for a LONG time. We still have a great time together and have this great friendship going on, but the romance department? Totally lacking. I know my hubby loves me, but sometimes I just don’t think he is “into” me anymore. I think that is just part of the whole marriage and kids deal. We probably do need to make more of an effort though!
    .-= The Mommyologist´s last blog ..June Mom Sexy Blogger of the Month =-.

  3. says

    Wow! I didn’t write a PYHO this week and I was thinking about what could possibly be tugging at my heart. The one thing that came to mind was my marriage and how lately it just didn’t seem ‘right’. Then I read your post, I firmly believe in fate, I know that I was supposed to read this. I could have said many of the same things just now. I have been thinking the same thing, that my husband and I need some alone time once a month. That we need to dedicate a day to our family and that we really need to stay focused on a strong foundation. Thank you for writing this and reaffirming my thoughts that I need to continue to achieve these goals. Let me know how it goes for you.
    .-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Post It: Stick to the List =-.

  4. says

    Good for you!

    I’ve been coming to the same conclusions in regards to blogging – I also have some ‘blog free’ nights as well.

    If you ever need any date ideas, come on over to visit at Wonder Woman Wannabe – I’ve been sharing a new novel dating idea every Friday. I’ve been working towards a years worth of ideas and when I meet my goal at the end of the summer I’ll host an awesome give-away!!
    .-= heidi @ wonder woman wannabe´s last blog ..Monday Musings :: mothers =-.

  5. says

    Dh and I definitely always need to be working on our marriage. We know how easy it is to take each other for granted. We spend “fake time” together- I’m on one end of the couch on the computer and he’s on the other, watching a show.

    But, it’s not really time together.

    We’re working on it, though!

    Thanks for linking up!

  6. says

    Married my high school sweet heart and two years ago we were at divorces door. We made it through though with intense counseling and learning to communicate better. I think many people give up to easily when things in a marriage become hard. It is work and anyone who thinks otherwise, shouldn’t get married.

    All of your ideas are awesome! My hubby and I have a date night twice a month, (our kids are older and can watch themselves, sorta;-) and we put family and our relationship first.

    What a difference it has made.

    We leave for a cruise to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on Friday without the kids ( god bless my in laws who are taking our kids ) and we are so looking forward to the time where it is just us” for a while.

    Keep up the communication and remember the little things matter.
    .-= Kisma´s last blog ..Post It Note Tuesday =-.

  7. says

    Wonderful post. I would love date nights but don’t know how to find a sitter. We don’t set aside nights to spend together unless it’s when a new season of a show we both watch is on. However if either one of us says “can we hang out” the other obliges.
    .-= Nolie´s last blog ..Starbucks/Tim Horton’s Giveaway =-.

  8. says

    Every couple goes through this! It is so normal. I am reading the book Love & War by John and Stasi Elredge which is helping tons! In fact, I am doing a series on the book on my blog. I am even going to do a giveaway of the book!

    Also, hubby and I try to do date night at home on Friday nights, that way we don’t have to find a sitter. We just plan something that we can do together where we can focus on each other. Playing a game, cooking together, etc.
    .-= Tracey´s last blog ..Wilton Giant Cupcake Pan Review and Giveaway! =-.

  9. Dad / POPPY says

    Your story is a common one that we have all either gone through or will go through,the positive thing is that you ‘ve reconized the problems early enough to fix it.you mom & I gave all the attention to you 3 kids & left little for each other.We ran from one sport to another & all sorts of events that came up. As parents you should sacrifice alot for your kids but you must keep in mind it can’t be at the expense of you married relationship or everyone will lose out.Admitting there is a problem is the 1st big step in the right direction. as far as mommy & me baby sitting I don’t consider it babysitting I like to think of it as spending QUALITY time spent with our Grandsons and you shouldn’t hesitate to ask also not get to upset if we hanve previous plans which we have changed many times–it gets harder as they get older & before you know it they’re out on thier own {well could be ha } & you look at each other and wonder where did our life together go?? & you must start over ,to many of our friends have split after the kids moved out , it’s scary so do what you can now to prepare for the future that will be there before you know it–GREAT STORY & remember life is delayed gratification–{ what you do now you’ll benefit from it later} love DAD

  10. says

    Great post! And I think it is so true for every couple… even those of us who haven’t been together as long as you and your hubby.

    Me and the Hubs need a date night… bady!

  11. says

    My hubby and I have worked hard at keeping us us and not just mommy and daddy. Although it is hard to get out without our boys, we enjoy the time we get. Remembering to be grownups means a lot. Have fun on your date nights!
    .-= VandyJ´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out-Summer =-.

  12. says

    I’ve heard it said that the best gift you can give your kids is to have a healthly happy relationship with your spouse. We sooo need to do some of these things because our flame is certainly not getting the attention it deserves. Thanks for this post! :)
    Hope things go well for you too! :)
    .-= Tylaine´s last blog ..Channellock giveaway @ Tammy’sTwoCents =-.

  13. says

    I think you’re right that every relationship (not just marriage) goes through this at some point(s). It’s hard for anyone to not get wrapped up in all that they do – I know that I do!

    I have done the same thing that you guys have. I’ve set designated times/nights in which I WILL work and do the stuff that I HAVE to get done to continue my business. However, family always comes first and no matter what, I will drop things and run if I need to!

    I love that you guys can talk about these things just as Dearest and I can! It sure puts your mind to rest at times when you need it.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..I should have struggled when I had the chance. =-.

  14. purseblogger says

    Those are great ideas! My hubby and I need to have a date night once a month at least. I find that we do our own thing after the kids are in bed too. We need to do better at spending time together. :)

  15. says

    I think you and I are on the same page in our lives. My husband and I just talked about these exact same things, I mean EXACT!

    We are implementing these same things. I hope they work. I’m excited to start.
    .-= Kerri´s last blog ..1995 =-.

  16. says

    Great ideas. It is VERY difficult as a mom/blogger to choose between our hubbys and writing at night.

    We love date nights and we have an awesome baby-sitter, so we have them usually once a week. Even if it’s Applebees 2 for $20, it’s still nice to get out alone.
    .-= Coma Girl´s last blog ..Mommy Management Monday – The Board =-.

  17. says

    We haven’t been out without kids since the twins were in the NICU and the girls were staying with family- and the only places we went was to the NICU that is over an hour away from our house…
    BUT we do some little things, like hold hands a lot (even if it’s just when we’re driving in the car)
    We also do just about everything possible together as a family- like getting groceries or an oil change.
    .-= Jayme´s last blog ..Tuesday?! Woah. Random Tuesday Thoughts Coming Right Up! =-.

  18. says

    Man, I wish my husband and I could go out on a date. But we have no childcare. Still, we do try to spend time together at night when we can. He works the night shift so he’s gone a lot–but when he’s home, we try to make time to talk.
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..When Tom Leaves…. =-.

  19. says

    This has been happening with us lately, too, and I blame sports. ;) I’m sick of watching the latest play off game so we have been the couple who sits in front of different tv’s lately.

    Thanks for this post, I can’t tell you the last time we had a date night and once a month is an easy goal to shoot for.
    .-= Ellie-Town Mama´s last blog ..Arizona Ellie-isms =-.

  20. says

    Girl, I think we all get there, especially with young kids! The hubby and I try to have date nights on the weekend after the kids go to bed- we’ll watch a movie together, play a video game, have a late night candlelit dinner- whatever mood we’re in. We’ll go outside and have some drinks, play a board game, whatever. It really helps!!
    .-= Ashley @ Just Another Mom of 2´s last blog ..Aloha Friday: Summer Festivals/Fairs =-.

  21. says

    It was great to read your post tonight because I feel like we are going through the same. I’m so exhausted every day and feel like I have no extra energy to give to our marriage. I work full time, own a small side business, have two boys, a dog, a house, laundry, blogging and a million other things. But so does everyone else. I’m not an exception to the rule and while I hate to hear that others go through these times in their marriage it’s comforting to know we are not alone and reassuring to know there is hope. I’m going to try the things you mention above as well and start putting my marriage first. Thanks!!

  22. Jenn Sampson says

    Oh! You are so right on! My husband and I are going through this too. These are great ideas and really do help you reconnect. In addition to spending more time together, I have also decided to do some things for myself to get back in touch with me and get my spark back too. I think it is important and my husband has mentioned a time or too that I have started to act like my old self again; more playful, feel/look more sexy. What I did was join these awesome calls on Friday mornings called Girls Just Wanna Have Fun hosted by Sherri Nickols at http://unleashyourself.com. I also took her teleplayshop called How to Find and Own Your Playful Sexy Self! Sherri has lots of ideas and tips to get that spark back in your life and your relationship. Check her out! It is definitely worth it!

  23. says

    I love this post. I wish every couple would take the time to talk early on when they notice the drifting signs. Your ideas to put the mojo back are excellent. Continue working at your marriage. It is the most important relationship we have after God. Blessings.
    .-= Fruitfulvine2´s last blog ..Help Me Choose A Cover =-.

  24. says

    Love this post – thanks! I am so lucky to have such a patient and communicative hubby. Talking helps us stay connected and I agree that you have to make time for this. I have noticed that as my kids are getting a little older, things are getting easier. I am little less stressed and spread thin. Basically, my mantra for life and kids and marriage …. “This to shall pass.”
    .-= Lindsay´s last blog ..Yummy Yogavive Chips Review and Giveaway =-.

  25. says

    I don’t have kids and we still have to make the connection work. We try to eat dinner together to have a chance to check in. And we have to be sure that whatever the other person is feeling, we don’t correct them or tell them they should feel another way! That’s a sure fire romance killer.

  26. says

    Great post. It is so easy to get busy and drift apart. Hubby and I try to stay focused on making our marriage our #1 priority and keeping it strong. It is hard work but definitely worth it.

  27. says

    Having a four-month old, we’re kind of in this spot. Thankfully, like your husband, mine brought it up the other day, too. We’re in the same boat with the one set of grandparents being our only babysitters, so once a month sounds doable. Thanks for this post and making me feel not so alone!

    Happy SITS Day!
    .-= Liza´s last blog ..Hazards of Having Children 1 =-.

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