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I am going to tell you something that I probably haven’t told many people. About 9 years ago {way before hubby and I were married}, I literally became obsessed with being engaged.
We had been together for about 6 years when I knew I was ready, but unfortunately my hubby at the time was not.
One by one my friends were getting asked the question, some not together as long as we were, and it hurt every time. Of course I was happy for my friends but secretly it torn me up inside when I would hear about a new engagement.
I always thought why not me? When will it be my turn?
It was something I wanted so bad but couldn’t have. I became obsessed with the idea of being engaged and its all I could think about. Every waking moment I thought about it, dreamed about it and even imagined how it would happen.
Foolishly every time hubby and I were together I would think; is today the day?
I would make comments to him all of the time and he always tried to quickly change the subject. It devastated me.
Fast forward a few months… A group of us {16 people in total} took a trip to Rome, Italy for an entire week.
Not only was I super excited to visit Italy, a place I have never been before, but of course a part of me starting thinking that it would be the perfect setting for an engagement. My mom, sister and I would squeal about it…thinking that this was it and it would be perfect.
I remember one night on vacation I was in my hotel room getting ready for dinner, when my girlfriends ran in and said, “We need to go outside immediately.”
I rushed down the steps and out the building having no idea what was going on. They grabbed my hand as we crossed the street, they were all so giddy. My one friend said, “Watch!” and pointed over to our hotel. There it was, on the balcony my best friend was being proposed to…and then it HIT me like a ton of bricks.
It wasn’t my turn again!
As I crossed the street heading back to our hotel and towards my husband, our eyes locked. I could see the sadness in his eyes and his thoughts, “I’m sorry”.
I wanted to run as far as I could away from everyone…I wanted to be home. And here I was thousands of miles away in an unfamiliar country. For the first time in my life I felt completely alone.
That night we celebrated {maybe a little too hard} and I put aside all of my feelings. I was extremely happy for my girlfriend and she deserved it, I didn’t want to take away her special moment.
But let’s just say that the rest of my vacation wasn’t a great one. My husband knew I was disappointed and I had a few pretty bad breakdowns.
When we got back from our vacation I stopped talking about it. I knew when my hubby was ready it would happen, on its own time and honestly I was tired of being disappointed.
Five months later I finally got engaged and you know what? It was perfect!
During that period of time in my life, I completely felt like a different person. I have never felt like that before, so obsessed with something where it consumed my every thought.
Looking back I realized how selfish I was and how much pressure I put on my husband. Little did I know he was working a lot of overtime to try and save up for that perfect ring and on most occasions he actually had the ring in his pocket waiting for a moment where he could surprise me.
I never realized by being so obsessed with getting engaged that I was taking away a special moment from him as well.
Thankfully my hubby and I can look back and laugh about it now. I am happily married to a wonderful man, have two amazing little boys and a beautiful home, I wouldn’t change a thing!
I have realized that everything happens for a reason and in their own time.
The proposal that I imagined in my head NEVER happened, only a better one did!
To read more lady’s pouring their hearts out stop on over at Things I Can’t Say!
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, wow. I would have been upset at watching everyone around me get engaged, too. It’s funny how we can’t rush things and have to let them happen on their own.
Thanks for linking up!
What an honest post. It would be difficult to watch everyone around you get engaged if that is so badly what you wanted – i know the same feeling happened with me when everyone around me was getting {and staying} pregnant.
glad you got your happy ever after
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Remembering An Angel =-.
Great story. It’s great that you and he can laugh about it now.
I had a similar story, except it was the wrong guy. Whew! Thank goodness that one didn’t propose. Everything happens for a reason.
Congratulations on your belated engagement! Sometimes the best things in life are the ones worth waiting for…
.-= IA´s last blog ..Uncle Furry =-.
I was kind of obsessed with getting engaged too…and I will never EVER tell him, but I knew that my husband was going to propose when he did. I was not surprised at all and to this day I wish that I would’ve been. We were doing the whole long distance thing, and I wouldn’t move to Denver without a ring. Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like (the proposal, the ring, etc.) if I’d just let things take their course and moved to Denver first without getting engaged. Maybe I would’ve gotten the proposal of my dreams if I’d been a bit more patient!
.-= The Mommyologist´s last blog ..From Zero To Mom Sexy In 30 Seconds =-.
I was never marriage obsessed but when the babies started happening to all our friends–that was when I got the sanme feeling you did–when would it happen for us. We weren’t in a place where we could try but every time one of our friends had a baby I would wish it was me.
.-= VandyJ´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughs–Birthdays and Such. =-.
Oh hard! I remember waiting to be engaged……..=’{
Oh see I never worried about the engagement lol. He asked I said yes and a week later we were in front of the judge. NOW I would love to redo it in a church, with people lol..
.-= Angel´s last blog ..FIRST EDITON OF WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WITH ANGEL PLEASE COME PLAY!! =-.
I feel like that’s where I’m at right now. Not obsessed, but definitely wondering when it’s going to be my turn, as it seems EVER SINGLE PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN is literally getting engaged. I think it’s in the water, and I’m just not drinking it…. Thanks for the words of wisdom, and the wake up call.
My engagement didn’t happen the way I pictured either but things have turned out perfectly regardless.
.-= Catherine @ Evolving Mommy´s last blog ..Kid Friendly Lunches, Coming Right Up! =-.
I think we all obsess over it to some degree because as little girls, we dream of marrying prince charming, receiving the perfect proposal and that white dress for the wedding.
My hubs propsed in the center of Rockefeller Center right on the ice, so it was truly magical.
I must be pretty weird, because I never obsessed that much about getting married, having kids and everything that all my other girlfriends were freaking out about. I actually wanted to join Green Peace, the Peace Corps and go out and save the world. I met my future husband right about that time and fell in love, but he was in no rush to get married, so neither was I. Five years later, he proposed and totally knocked me off my feet with the suddeness of it all. Nothing fancy, it was after a long day at work and in the front seat of his car, but it was perfect for the two of us. Twenty years later, he still knocks me off my feet!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Nine Days & A Wake Up =-.
It is hard to watch everyone else getting what you want. I am glad it worked out for you though.
awww! I am so glad that you finally got your proposal and that it was special and more than you could have come up with on your own!
How exciting!!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Ready for the Weekend =-.
I went through pretty much the same thing during the years I wanted desperately to be pregnant. Amazing how miserable our chosen discontentment makes us.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..PYHO – Rootless =-.
Great post.
I had a friend who was obsessed with being engaged too- one time her bf at the time called her and specifically made plans with her 6 months in advance for a “SURPRISE” date… she was sure this was it. We all were. She got her hair-did, her nail-did.. the whole bit… she was crushed when he pulled her up to the movie theater for “THE BIG DEBUT of the new Lord of the Rings Movie”.
.-= complicated mama´s last blog ..{Never completely} Wordless Wednesday- Outta My Way Things.. =-.
I love this! You are so right. Once we stop obsessing, things usually work out. So glad your proposal was perfect when it did happen. xoxo
Aww…so happy everything worked out! I was the complete opposite! lol I was with my HS sweetheart (were were together 10 years…junior high through college) and when I found out he was going to pop the ? I ran!!! I wasn’t in love with him full heartedly and had to get out. Then about 2 years later I met my husband now. We got engaged after 8 months of being together and I couldn’t be happier. I knew my husband now was the one
I on the other hand would feel the same way you did if my husband now waited that long. lol Guys always get cold feet. I think it’s more of wanting to afford a nice ring then not wanting to pop the big ?. Ya know ;/ Happy for you now
.-= Tara Bucci´s last blog ..LeSportsac Erika Tote $68 =-.
I feel your pain! Hubby took forever to propose. We hadn’t even been together that long but in March (2006) he told me I was someone he coud see himself marrying, in June he was taking me to look at wedding rings, which I assumed meant he would be propsing in the next month or two. No! He didn’t even buy the ring until late October, I was convinced he was going to propose on our Christmas trip to California, then our anniversary, so on so forth. It was so frusturating! He finally proposed in February, almost a full year before he put the idea in my head, 8 months after he first took me to look at rings, and 3 1/2 months after he bought the ring. Guys move a completely different speed then women!
Looking back, it really didn’t matter but it was upseting. I still give him a hard time about it. The extra time was good for us to continue to get to know one another. I just wish he didn’t take me to look at rings and talk to me about getting married then I wouldn’t have assumed he was going to propose.
LOVE this post…..i remember trying to be “subtle” and drop hints (hit yuo with a brick “hints”!!!) here and there (every day!) and jason finally said it would be in a few years…it was a bit different though bc we were one of the first of our friends to get married but i’ll never forget a couple who were together only 5 months & they were engaged and i cried (i’m still ashamed..even they broke up 2 months after…). jason took a year off of our engagement time to make me happy..(4 years instead of 5!! haha) i think it was hard bc we were living in north carolina at the time and i felt like i was the girl “giving the milk away” while he could see the cow everyday, you know….anyway, right before we moved back to good ol’ jersey, we took a 1 1/2 week vacation to napa valley, monterey, san fran, (northern california pretty much!!! and i had NO CLUE it was coming…after all, i had 4 more years to wait!!!) and it was, as you stated, better then i imagined…so sincere, so heartfelt, so SURE….every time i think about it my heart explodes with how much i love him…hmmm…maybe i’ll surprise him with breakfast in bed today! (perhaps that’s why he made such a kick @ss proposal! HAHA) and one more thing…when you talked about ray’s eyes saying sorry i almost lost it…..good things come to those who wait…..we will be married 8 years this sept….hopefully jackson & hudson elizabeth will allow us to remember why we were married to begin with!! haha Love you, T!!!! xoxoxo
Ah yes, I can kind of relate to this. My husband told my friends he was saving up for a ring for me and then it was over a year later that we actually got engaged. At some points I started to make myself a little crazy. I did not like how I was acting so I tried to chill out. It was very awesome when we actually did get engaged.
Congrats on the proposal. I’m kinda going through something similar. It all depends on when you determine him as being ‘the one’ then it’s harder every moment waiting. Sadly, I believe my current bf to be it after only 4 months of dating. It’s going to be a long wait, but as you so gently put, it’s best not to rush or expect it! All your stories are wonderful, congrats to anyone who made it to that point and further.
I have totally walked in those shoes! Not only was everyone getting engaged and married, but they were also having babies. Ugh! My “proposal” was me saying, “I don’t care if we go down to Township Hall. I just want to get married.” But what he lacked in getting engaged he made up for 10 million times over since!
Melissa´s last [type] ..happy valentine’s day!
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